fall fashion and accumulated wisdom

today i inadvertently went 'back-to-school' shopping. i was at the mall, because it was too hot to be outside, and i wanted to buy an air conditioner for that same reason, and i went into h & m, because that is what i do when i'm at the mall, and i just couldn't stop myself from buying a few things. a slate gray jumper, a bright red extra long tee, and a long sleeve brown t-shirt with extra long ribbed cuffs and bright blue pin stripes, to be exact. i don't subscribe to the idea that just because i've graduated high school i should have to stop school shopping. if you know me, you know i'll use any excuse to shop. i also have a million justifications for doing so! my uncle once said, "wine taste, beer budget." that's me, and that's why i love h & m.

my new favorite colors are plum and slate gray. and they make a lovely color when you mix them together as well. i'm still on the fence about whether to spell gray with an 'e' or an 'a.' the only reason i'm doing it with an 'a' right now is because that's what spell check tells me to do. however, i have made an important decision in another arena...i now have a favorite movie director! wes anderson. he freaking rules. my new favorite movie is the life aquatic and i can hardly wait to see the darjeeling limited. i want to wallpaper my new living room with wes anderson movie posters.

since i haven't blogged since march (i guess i was too busy), here's an update on my life and highlights of the last several months.

status checks: i still work at the same place, i'm still happily dating danny, and i'm still studying art therapy. however, i now have a car and i will be moving in less than a week to my favorite neighborhood. i dont have a puppy (yet) and i now have very short hair. i am moving in with danny and my best friend karen and a very lovely girl named heidi.

the new me. my brother's dog, camo.

highlights: danny and i went to oregon together a couple of weeks ago! it was so much fun. i'm starting my first art therapy internship in september. saw brandi carlisle in concert and fell in love with folk rock all over again. worked my ass off at work and nearly lost my mind for it on several occasions. climbed mt. washington! hell yeah! went digging for herkimer diamonds with danny in fonda, ny. went to maine and climbed big, scary rocks. watched the entire series of six feet under. just finished yesterday. so i'm grieving now. for nate and david and claire and brenda and ruth and rico and every one else. go ahead, say it's just a tv show. the thing is, it just isn't.

dave, karen, me, and dan on top of mt. washington

my mom, me, and dan at cape lookout, oregon coast
(notice the hat...it's that amazing purple gray i was telling you about)

i am trying to pack up my room, and, as always seems to happen, i can't just toss my journals into a box without opening them. then the whole packing process gets delayed a few hours. then it gets delayed even more when i decide it's finally time to write a blog and share some of my accumulated wisdom from the last few years, as found in my journals.

when i was 19, the front of my journal was blank. it was the summer after my first year of college, the brutal second year after that. i was thirsty for God, and my journal was full of bible verses, prayer requests, praises, and quotes.

where am i going? how do i get there? you can say, 'i'm scared.' you can say, 'i don't know.' but you can't say, 'i won't go.'

we can trust God.

if you're gone, maybe it's time to go home
there's an awful lot of breathing room, but i can hardly move (matchbox 20)

God knows best.

you have been more faithful than the morning sun
you have been more faithful than knowing night will come
you have been more faithful than the changing of seasons (skillet)

above all, love each other deeply. (1 peter 4:8)

and i turned 20 three days early
when you said those words to me
and i grew up without a smile
i was forced to learn to say goodbye

time will open doors for you. (third day)

i feel guilty for how i feel.

and so God has arranged the seasons of our lives, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. he has made everything beautiful in its time. (ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 1 corinthians 12:18, ecclesiastes 3:11)

when i was 20 and 21, my journal was covered with quotes from ecclesiastes, reminding me that for everything, there is a time. i was a junior in college, and i was still thirsty for God. and then i started my senior year. my thirst for God was replaced with doubt.

be brave.

i don't need a boy to make me happy. i don't need a boy to make me happy. a boy won't make me happy. having a boy will not make me happy. a boy can't make me happy.

lord, you have my heart and i will search for yours
jesus, take my life, and lead me on
lord, you have my heart and i will search for yours
let me be to you, a sacrifice

and i will praise you, lord
and i will sing of love come down
and as you show your face
we'll see your glory here (worship song)

*to be continued*