this bowtie is strangling me!

i am a very BAD person. if you've seen office space, you'll know the exact way that line should be read aloud. ("micheal and samir, you are sentenced to ten years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. peter, you are a very BAD person." the gavel slams down.) it doesn't seem wise to go into all the reasons that i am a very bad person over the internet, but i can share one, since it has to do with roth's and this blog is a roth's employee free zone. on wednesday (the day the bad me took over...it's been one a day atleast since then) i was working doing chalk art and i had to pop down to the deli for about five seconds. while i was there, the asst. manager asked me to help a customer and i pretty much said no and got someone else to do it. YES, i realize this was a huge mistake. i dont know why i did this, why i didn't just help the freaking customer (i didn't want to?), but unfortunately that's what happened. the asst. manager talked to me and i said sorry, etc, and thought it was over. but NO! she had to open her huge trap to the store manager, who approached me yesterday right after i got to work in the morning (so as to ruin my entire day instead of just part of it) and said this: "i heard a disturbing thing about you refusing to help a customer. when you have a green bowtie on, i don't care what you're doing, what department you're in, you help the customer. if you ever do that again, i'll yank you out of the deli so fast...and that will suck for you because you'll lose your benefits and your pay will be cut. are we clear?" after saying "yes" he left the scene and i cried. what can i say, i don't enjoy being spoken to in that manner and it usually results in tears. i just realized that the encounter was a lot like when jennifer aniston argues with her boss about the pieces of flare in office space. "if you want me to wear 47 pieces of flare like your pretty boy, brian, over there, why don't you make the minimum 47 pieces of flare?" that stupid green bowtie is my flare and when i put it on i have to become someone i'm not, someone who's always happy, always smiling, and never makes mistakes. you know what i hate? when you put yourself out there and tell someone about your mistake, and they say, "yeah, that was a HUGE mistake!" someone said that to me today when i told them the story, and they've said that about other mistakes i've made, and it's just not very uplifting. of course i know it's a huge mistake! i already feel bad enough about it, i don't need you to rub it in my face. thank you. a month ago or so i was working and i had just had the stomach flu, so i guess i wasn't smiling. some DUMB customer witnessed this horror and wrote a comment card about me not smiling. this resulted in the deli manager taking me upstairs and "coaching me for improvement." yes, that's actually what the form i had to sign was called. i HATE roth's. it's like a high school, complete with referrals, cliques, bullies, and the one super cute, unattainable guy. oh, and everyone in authority treats you like you're 5. in short, hell.

in better news, i am finally getting my very own "liz hughes, fine artist" business cards printed and they'll be ready on monday. i am so excited! and God has been blessing me with a lot of freelance work lately...today i put a bid on a mural job for about $2000. i find out tomorrow if i get the job. and when i say "the job" i mean the highest paying job i've ever had. i've also got about three other freelance jobs in the works! very exciting. i have decided to stay in mcminnville over the summer (shocking, i know) because i got an amazing volunteer job at juliette's house, a child abuse treatment center here in town. i'll be working with the families and kids when they come in to file a report. so september is my new goal for perhaps going somewhere exciting, and i am thinking africa. i'd like to go for a few months to where denice is, working with orphans. we will see.

i want so badly to believe that there is truth, and love is real. and i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd. -- the postal service

crap, i made it all up!

to spice things up, i will be beginning this entry with a quote, and an apology for the lack of posting lately. my job search is taking up most of my internet time.

me: it's not that i think you dont have issues, it's that i think you aren't in touch with your issues.

brian: and i think you create all of your issues.

this little exchange that brian and i had last night not only shows how well brian and i know each other, but it also brings to light the very fact that i do create a lot of issues. but heck, if i didn't, what the H would i write about in this blog?

i created a new issue last night when i realized that if something tragic were to happen to me (say, a kidnapping) no one would realize for atleast a few days. this troubling thought was brought on when nicole went "missing" last night, and brian went on a thorough search until she was located. i realized, i need a boyfriend for safety reasons! only a boyfriend (or a roomate) would realize if i was missing the same day that i went missing. it would take my friends, my family, and my work atleast a few days to become concerned, by which point i would surely already be dead. how comforting!

i am getting so sick of seeing those freaking plastic wrist bands everywhere. you know, the ones that first showed up as bright yellow "live strong" bracelets? now they are available in every color imaginable and every one and their mom has one on. what is so annoying to me about mass trends? i don't deny that i enjoy embracing certain trends, especially when it comes to fashion, but i like to think i pick the ones that not everyone is doing. i resisted getting a nalgene bottle for the longest time for this very reason. at fox, you practically had to have one to be admitted. but once i realized the practical joys of having a nalgene, i, too, became a sheep. what can i say? i drink a lot of water, they're freaking convienent! what is the practical purpose of the bracelets, i ask? crap, i just realized that they usually benefit a charity. but i ask you this...do the majority of people where them because they benefit charity, or because they think they are COOL?

okay, enough. my life lately has become consumed by searching for my dream job. i've found some amazing jobs to apply for, and i'm wondering why the heck i didn't research amazing internships when i was in college. damn, i was lazy. i still am, but i am throwing myself into this job search. the possibilities are so amazing! by summer, i could be anywhere...seattle, san francisco, new york...mcminnville. and meanwhile, i got a raise at roth's! heck yes, now i can afford to buy food!

the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing: we know this in countless ways. blaise pascal