everything is a pain in the ass when you're camping. EVERYTHING. even simple tasks, like brushing your teeth or putting on clean socks, become a difficult challenge. for the last few years, i have felt an unspoken pressure to love camping, to yearn to go hiking, to want to spend all my free time exploring the great outdoors. don't get me wrong, nature is beautiful. maybe this pressure comes from being from oregon, or from dating eagle scouts and guys who got very exicited about cramp-ons and head lamps...i'm not sure. but this week i finally admitted it to myself...i am not outdoorsy. i do not like camping. it boggles my mind why one would leave the comfort of their home and go outside and sleep on the hard ground and make everything so hard for themselves. okay, fine, i know why they do it, but that doesn't mean i have to want to do it, too. it's okay not to love camping. it's okay to be happiest when i'm in my bed, with my laptop, eating life cereal, and enjoying nature through my window.
this past week i spent four days camping in new hampshire with my work. four days, forty mosquito bites. no joke. i feel like i have the chicken pox and i need to duct tape oven mitts to my hands so i wont scratch.
i am going home TOMORROW! i cant believe it. brian and nicole are getting married in ONE WEEK! surreal, i am sure even more so for them. i am so excited to go home. i can't believe how long i've been waiting for this. a year ago i was here in boston visting, trying to decide if i wanted to live and work here, and falling in love with this city. and now it is my city, and God has given me an amazing job, amazing friends, and i'm fairly happy most of the time. i don't mean that to sound negative, but a year ago, even a few months ago, i was fairly unhappy most of the time. so this is progress.
i have fallen in love with another band, the kings of convenience. their cd that i've been listening to is called "quiet is the new loud." i like that. i like it when things are convenient. things are very inconvenient when you're camping.
things seem so much better when they're not a part of your close surroundings. like words in a letter sent, amplified by the distance. possibilities and sweeter dreams, sights and sounds calling from far away. the kings of convenience
6.29.2006
6.17.2006
no kisses and no popsicles
i'm so sick bored lonely hungry tired achy anxious. no, i did not wake up healed the other morning, and i've been sleeping so much the last few days that i'm not really sure who i am, let alone what day it is. i am sure of one thing: there are many fun things you can do online, such as create maps of where you have been in the united states:
create your own visited states map
and the world:
create your own visited countries map
as you can see, the world one is pretty sad, and i clearly have something against the south in general. i could have cheated and counted states who's airports i have been in, but i did not. the road trip helped a lot. here is a (non-exhaustive) list of states and countries i would like to visit:
1. hawaii
2. california again
3. new zealand
4. australia
5. ireland
6. switzerland
7. france
8. maine (just so i can finish that corner)
9. colorado again
10. africa (yes, i know that is broad)
11. england again
12. italy again
13. canada
14. any and all tropical islands
i am so bored. yet so exhausted. and i really need some food, but i don't have a car and i barely had the energy to get out of bed, walk to the couch, and watch never been kissed this morning. if i can hardly do that, how am i going to go to the store? i wish i had magic powers and i wish i had popsicles. my throat hurts. the funny thing is, since the last time i watched never been kissed, gaucho pants came into style.
kari, i want to see your maps. i am sure they are very red, and getting redder every day! not every one can make being a park ranger look cool! just remember that.
every one else, if you're reading this, S.O.S! i need popsicles. thank you.
create your own visited states map
and the world:
create your own visited countries map
as you can see, the world one is pretty sad, and i clearly have something against the south in general. i could have cheated and counted states who's airports i have been in, but i did not. the road trip helped a lot. here is a (non-exhaustive) list of states and countries i would like to visit:
1. hawaii
2. california again
3. new zealand
4. australia
5. ireland
6. switzerland
7. france
8. maine (just so i can finish that corner)
9. colorado again
10. africa (yes, i know that is broad)
11. england again
12. italy again
13. canada
14. any and all tropical islands
i am so bored. yet so exhausted. and i really need some food, but i don't have a car and i barely had the energy to get out of bed, walk to the couch, and watch never been kissed this morning. if i can hardly do that, how am i going to go to the store? i wish i had magic powers and i wish i had popsicles. my throat hurts. the funny thing is, since the last time i watched never been kissed, gaucho pants came into style.
kari, i want to see your maps. i am sure they are very red, and getting redder every day! not every one can make being a park ranger look cool! just remember that.
every one else, if you're reading this, S.O.S! i need popsicles. thank you.
6.15.2006
a prospect and a half
sometimes, all i really have is a title, a title i don't intend to explain. but for the sake of my readers (which are many) i will attempt to think of something else to say.
i left work early this evening as i am feeling under the weather. i just swallowed a couple of nyquil in the hopes that i will fall into a deep sleep and wake up miraculously healed in the morning and ready to head back to work. we shall see.
i am going home in about two weeks! i am sooo excited. i shall hold "my" babies, i shall be a beautiful bridesmaid (but not more beautiful than the bride, of course), and i shall have good times with friends and the fam.
but what to do when i return? that is the question that is currently plagueing me. see, i got into grad school for art therapy, and this is all very exciting and congratulations to me and all that jazz, but now i'm not sure if i should go. i have determined in the last few days through reflection and prayer that i do indeed WANT to go, which is good, but i am not sure if God has something better in mind. my friends prayed for me at small group, which was very nice, but one of their prayers made me think YES to grad school, and the other made me think NO. the first one said something along the lines of "it's a risk not to take a risk." now which is more of a risk? grad school or no grad school? i used to think it was the former but now i think it's the latter and i am confused and i need a sign from God. a clear sign. you know, a YES or NO written in the sky kind of sign. again, we shall see.
the other night i was worrying outloud in a simular, over-analytical fashion about a new man in my life, and i was working myself into quite a frenzy, and my male friend said, "i'm so glad i'm a guy." i was jealous, very jealous, just as i have been ever since i first learned that males can shut off their thoughts and enjoy a mental peace that i can only dream of.
speaking of dreams, i think the nyquil is starting to do the trick. as i sometimes say to God before i go to sleep, thank you, good night.
i left work early this evening as i am feeling under the weather. i just swallowed a couple of nyquil in the hopes that i will fall into a deep sleep and wake up miraculously healed in the morning and ready to head back to work. we shall see.
i am going home in about two weeks! i am sooo excited. i shall hold "my" babies, i shall be a beautiful bridesmaid (but not more beautiful than the bride, of course), and i shall have good times with friends and the fam.
but what to do when i return? that is the question that is currently plagueing me. see, i got into grad school for art therapy, and this is all very exciting and congratulations to me and all that jazz, but now i'm not sure if i should go. i have determined in the last few days through reflection and prayer that i do indeed WANT to go, which is good, but i am not sure if God has something better in mind. my friends prayed for me at small group, which was very nice, but one of their prayers made me think YES to grad school, and the other made me think NO. the first one said something along the lines of "it's a risk not to take a risk." now which is more of a risk? grad school or no grad school? i used to think it was the former but now i think it's the latter and i am confused and i need a sign from God. a clear sign. you know, a YES or NO written in the sky kind of sign. again, we shall see.
the other night i was worrying outloud in a simular, over-analytical fashion about a new man in my life, and i was working myself into quite a frenzy, and my male friend said, "i'm so glad i'm a guy." i was jealous, very jealous, just as i have been ever since i first learned that males can shut off their thoughts and enjoy a mental peace that i can only dream of.
speaking of dreams, i think the nyquil is starting to do the trick. as i sometimes say to God before i go to sleep, thank you, good night.
6.13.2006
the sound of silence
a week ago i was walking to catch the bus and my ipod somehow slipped out of my pocket. it took me about 30 seconds to realize this, and during that time, somebody snatched it. i searched and searched in the pouring rain, going through two pairs of jeans, but to no avail. had i written about this then, you would have gotten the whole over-dramatic sob story, but it's been a week and i've finally accepted it.
we spend so much time waiting when we should be experiencing. so much time sleeping when we should be creating artistic masterpieces. so much time questioning, worrying, and agonizing. i'm trying to work on patience, the kind of patience that doesn't cease to experience during the waiting. this is hard. why is it so hard to convince myself that i have so much to be thankful for, that God has given me an amazing life? why do we spend so much time looking ahead to what we do not yet have and so little enjoying what we do?
okay, enough deep thoughts. let's talk about men. i'm trying to phase the word "men" into my vocabulary and phase out the words "boys" and "guys." this is because what i am looking for is a man, not an immature boy or an ambivilant guy. i figure any guy my age or older that i'm interested in should at least be given the benefit of the doubt about being a man. like innocent until proven guilty, my prospects shall be man until proven boy or guy.
all this to say, i met a man, and i think and i like him, and i hate waiting to see what will happen. i hate wondering when the next time i'll see him will be, and wondering what his opinion of me is. wondering if he's spending time with other girls, or i guess i should say women. funny. if i'm going to use the word man, i guess that means i have to call myself a woman. i do this plenty in my head, but outloud? perhaps the time has come.
last night i saw the movie about al gore and global warming, an inconvienent truth. holy moley, it was scary. i highly recommend that if you care about the planet at all, you go see it. and stop driving. and if all else fails, move to higher ground, so that when greenland breaks up and the oceans rise 20 feet, you'll be safe. at least for a few more years.
www.climatecrisis.net
we spend so much time waiting when we should be experiencing. so much time sleeping when we should be creating artistic masterpieces. so much time questioning, worrying, and agonizing. i'm trying to work on patience, the kind of patience that doesn't cease to experience during the waiting. this is hard. why is it so hard to convince myself that i have so much to be thankful for, that God has given me an amazing life? why do we spend so much time looking ahead to what we do not yet have and so little enjoying what we do?
okay, enough deep thoughts. let's talk about men. i'm trying to phase the word "men" into my vocabulary and phase out the words "boys" and "guys." this is because what i am looking for is a man, not an immature boy or an ambivilant guy. i figure any guy my age or older that i'm interested in should at least be given the benefit of the doubt about being a man. like innocent until proven guilty, my prospects shall be man until proven boy or guy.
all this to say, i met a man, and i think and i like him, and i hate waiting to see what will happen. i hate wondering when the next time i'll see him will be, and wondering what his opinion of me is. wondering if he's spending time with other girls, or i guess i should say women. funny. if i'm going to use the word man, i guess that means i have to call myself a woman. i do this plenty in my head, but outloud? perhaps the time has come.
last night i saw the movie about al gore and global warming, an inconvienent truth. holy moley, it was scary. i highly recommend that if you care about the planet at all, you go see it. and stop driving. and if all else fails, move to higher ground, so that when greenland breaks up and the oceans rise 20 feet, you'll be safe. at least for a few more years.
www.climatecrisis.net
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