irrationality

i am so damn moody. and the thing is, my moodiness is irrational. take today for example...

trying to win a stuffed monkey from one of those game machines with the grabbing claw, and not suceeding after several tries...depressed.

finally winning the stuffed animal after using approximately fifty tokens...elation!

wanting to hang out with matt tonight but not being able to...sad.

finding matt the perfect christmas present...happy!

discovering the insane and creepy world of myspace, and viewing with morbid curiousity my former high school and college classmates...entertained.

spending so much time doing the previous activity that my shoulder cramped up and i found one of my best friends and saw that she had 179 contacts...depressed again.

what is up with myspace, anyway? people are freaking obsessed! i mean, it sucked me right in. i'm all for keeping in touch with people, but i like to exercise a bit of restraint for the purposes of my sanity. the lame thing is, i look at people's myspace pages and how many contacts they have and i feel like i have to catch up or else i am lame.

my shoulder hurts, and i've overdosed on the internet again. i think i'm going to be sick.

my grown-up christmas list

why does food make me sooo happy? i started my last post with what i just ate, so what the hey, i'll do it again! two grilled cheese sandwiches, a bowl of delicious organic tomato soup, and the remainders of a container of ben and jerry's phish food. notice a common denominator? ice cream. i love ice cream.

yesterday i was driving home with matt, after a rousing double-date game of candlepin bowling, which i had never heard of in oregon, you use balls that fit in the palm of your hand and the pins are tall and skinny, and it's quite fun, although challenging, and we were listening the all christmas music, all the time radio station and what should come on but a cover of amy grant's holiday classic, my grown-up christmas list. i realize that amy grant's christmas album may not have been a part of your childhood christmases, but it was certainly a part of mine, and i belted that cheesy song out like there was no tomorrow. what with the song, and the time of year, i have decided to make a christmas wish list and post it here for all the world (okay, my friends, family, and those freaking idiots who keep spamming me).

what i want for christmas:

1. no more lives torn apart
2. that wars would never start
3. that time would heal all hearts
4. everyone would have a friend

JUST KIDDING! that's what amy grant wants for christmas! well, some of it anyway. she also wants right to always win and love to have no end, but whatever. it's a nice sentiment and all, but i think she's missing the point. isn't christmas about what people want for thier selfish little selves?

what i really want for christmas:

1. a label maker
2. a cheap sewing machine
3. a north face fleece
4. a flicker pro account
5. steve madden shoes
6. a website
7. a hands-free headset
8. sweaters
9. socks
10. underwear
11. acceptance to lesley's art therapy program
12. a mac laptop loaded with design software
13. a monthly bus pass
14. a blue queen size blanket
15. three weeks at home
16. a cure for laziness
17. a drumset
18. an art desk
19. books
20. sex and the city: the complete series dvd set
21. harsher punishments for parole violators...i mean, world peace! (miss congeniality)
22. really warm gloves
23. a really long, really thick, really warm scarf
24. a paper shredder with a credit card slot

okay, enough. see, the thing about me and christmas is, my happiness during and on christmas is not really related to whether or not i get these things. obviously some of them are a joke, or atleast a dream request that i threw in just for kicks, or things i'll have to just buy or earn for myself. all i really, really want is a label maker. i know it's odd, but it's true. what can i say? i love to label! ok, i want the paper shredder, too. identidy theft is a real threat these days, people! and i'm really sick of ripping my bank statements and old checks into tiny pieces and throwing the pieces away into three different trash cans. buy me a paper shredder, and i will no longer have to live my life in constant fear. thank you.

i feel really worldly and disgusting after this little exercise in html and consumerism. so don't let me to forget to mention a worthy cause AND great gift idea: world vision.

ok, i am nauseous from too much internet. ew.

i heart...everything

watching one tree hill. eating microwave mac and cheese. finishing it off with some peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. the kind with the big chunky peanut butter ripples in it. happy.

the kids at my school had to make "what i'm thankful for" lists and read them at our thanksgiving celebration today. so the other day during their homework period i decided to make one, too. caution: this is an exhaustive list. well, the most exhaustive list i could make in about 20 minutes.

doing scary things. witty banter. turrets. God. concerts. the red line. the T. prayer. kissing. sky. movies. the kids at castle. the boston skyline over the charles. my family. books. loki, the castle dog. BJ, my dog at home. sammy, socks, and lucy, my cats at home. merlin, matt's cat at home. babies. harry potter. toddlers. beanies. puppies. dogs. brian. shopping. kittens. cats. matt. sleeping. chameleons. geneva. my bed. porsches. driving fast with a manual. matea. my roomates. VWs. the dixons. kemi. volvos. the cummings'. thiessens/diekers/wolffs. denice. kari. old friends. new friends. old people. mcminnville. my middle name (irene). artistic talent. mindless tv. the cameo. art. zoolander. God providing. writing. writing. my blog. worship. words. flickr. guitar. humor. photography. grace. cynical-ness. my cameras. freedom from worry and anxiety. music. my car. drumming. my job. psychology. singing. my new home in boston. proofreading. tim. paper. prismacolors. paint. pens. 6B drawing pencils. singing in the car. random moments. tall fun socks. anything tiny. mike's hard cranberry lemonade. washington apples. bailey's irish cream. kahlua. albums. album covers. old record players. oregon. new york city. massachusetts. growth. the road trip. challenge. pain. love. memories. rowdy competitive sports. college. labeling. organization. decorating my room. last year on my own, in mac. public transportation. the internet (sometimes). my life. i'm healthy. airbags. my life. ikea. learning the hard way. movie quotes. taking a chance with a guy. inside jokes. man arms. jackets. spontaneity. my body. shoes. purses. boundaries. thrift stores. fashion. support systems. traditions. vintage. antiques. nostalgia. crossing the line. treasures. cheese. garage sales. collage. mr. moon. chocolate. sex and the city. clouds. italian food. silliness. dancing. tight hugs. dancing. yummy food. scarves. black papermate pens.

you think your days are ordinary and no one ever thinks about you but we're all the same and she can hardly breathe without you keane

caution: abundant run-ons

sorry it has been so long. i am alive and well, quite well, actually. i know many of you have been wondering what possibly offensive comments i have been deleting off of my blog, and, sorry to disappoint you, but it's just not that interesting. they are spam comments, people! for example: you've got a great blog here. check out my site at hotatlantaescorts.com. you get the idea. it's lame.

i am just sitting here in my boyfriend's apartment using his internet, which is one of the many things he is useful for. hee hee. last night we went and saw the midnight show of the new harry potter movie, and it was pretty good. all of my male friends (including the bf) seem to have crushes on hermoine, and i have to admit, i kind of have one on her, too. she's getting hot!

okay, i wrote that stuff the other day and just couldn't drudge up the motivation to finish, so i am back. something terribly tragic happened to me this evening...we are having this big thanksgiving celebration at my work, and i signed up to make pumpkin cream cheese bread, which my mom makes every year and i love, love, love. so tonight at work i made a giant double batch of it, carefully measuring out the ingredients with the mish mash of cooking utensils in the school kitchen drawers, making a huge mess just like i do every time i bake, spraying pumpkin batter all over the walls and on a few stray students. after an hour, my toil was complete and it was time to put the bread in our ghetto oven to cook. i checked on it diligently and even called my mom to make sure i knew how to tell when it was done. then we started watching a movie, a very scary movie, a movie called the grudge. i don't know if you've seen it, but it's freaking horrifying mostly because it involves a freaky little asian boy with lots of eyeliner, and we all know little kids are the creepiest thing ever in scary movies, and he won for the freakiest creepy kid i've ever seen on screen. so i'm watching the movie, screaming occasionally, peeking through my fingers which are clasped to my agonized face, figuring that i'll just have to suffer through the whole thing in the hopes that in the end it will be explained and i'll be able to sleep tonight. that's when my fellow staff member asked the ever important question: did you take your bread out of the oven? i think you know the answer to that one. as i stood over the stove, looking down at my poor, petrified bread, the kids throwing jokes at me about nerf football bread loaves and the like, i kind of wanted to cry, but i didn't. i held it in. and tomorrow, i'm going to make some more damn bread. why? because i'm a professional, damn it.

in case you're wondering, the middle was still good. and after the kids were asleep, i tore those poor loaves apart, helped myself to the warm delicious goodness in the middle, and felt my anger and sadness melt away. coping skills, people. it's all about coping skills.

sometimes i have mixed feelings about being here in boston without my oregon peops, and then i'm walking through the amazing city of cambridge and i see a guy on a bike with an accordian strapped to his back, and i know everything is going to be okay.

dreaming of yiz

so two months is apparently how long i can go without being significantly homesick. i was talking to shanna tonight and she described it so well...you might be living somewhere (say, oregon) and feel like some of your needs aren't getting met there, so you move somewhere else (say, boston) and bam! you get those needs met, or at least start to. but the needs you where getting met in oregon aren't getting met now in boston, so, in a way, you're back to square one. it's just a different square one then before.

dont get me wrong. as much as i might express homesickness, i really do love it here. and i still think i'm in the right place, which is highly comforting. i just wish i could have my family and oregon friends and especially oregon babies (geneva and matea and their soon-to-be-born baby brothers!!) here with me in my new life. i suppose in this life you can never have all of your needs met all at once. but it would be nice.

shanna told me that she was driving with geneva the other day and out of the blue, geneva said "i'm dreaming about yiz." (that's what she calls me). how cute is that? then she said, "i want her to come home now." i want to come, home, too, geneves! i can't wait to see her at christmas. i swear that girl is the love of my life! no offense, anyone else.

brains say the darnest things!

so last night i leave work at midnight and start walking in the pouring rain the 10-15 minutes to the harvard square bus station. i was not happy about this, as i usually have my car. (no, i haven't sold it yet). i'm walking down the sidewalk in the dark feeling slightly apprehensive when i find myself praying "God, please protect me as I go home...I'm not in the mood to get attacked right now..." once i realized what i was saying, i found it quite humorous, as if i'm ever in the mood to get attacked. whenever i imagine getting attacked i like to think i could escape through sheer cleverness and a sudden outburst of physical strength and skill, but in reality i figure if i manage to escape it will be narrow and lucky. assuming i do have my pepper spray on me (which, by the way, you're supposed to get a permit to carry in massachusetts) i would have to rummage around in my purse for it while beating off my attacker, get it out of the little red leather case, turn the switch to spray mode, and finally aim and fire in my assailant's eyes. there is way to much margin for error in this scenario, which is why i think i should just keep my car.

by the time i reached my house last night i was so wet that even my underwear had managed to get wet ( i know what you're thinking, and ha ha, very funny) and my pant legs were soaked up to the knees. my vans were drenched as it is impossible to avoid every puddle on the crappy streets of boston when you are hurrying in the dark, and i was not happy. my brain was in a frenzy wondering why people wear warm, waterproof jackets in the winter but not warm, waterproof pants. i mean, i could walk around in snow pants and be quite comfy but i would not be socially accepted. don't people's legs get cold in the winter? and if i wear long johns under my jeans, i'll get steaming hot every time i go in a building. what's a poor, skeletal girl to do? i've pretty much decided that if i do end up not having a car in the winter here, i am going to have to wear a snow suit and snow boots. people can stare all they want, and i will glare back at them bitterly, wondering how on earth they are managing not to freeze.

stick it to the kev

the more things change, the more they stay the same. here i am in my local public library using the computer to update my blog. my fellow computer users are much quieter here though, defying the stereotype that bostonians are ruder than oregonians. the only computer available was the one with the huge, engulfing screen and the giant letters on the keys that take up the entire button. but i'm not complaining, i'm just trying not to look down lest i propel myself into a state of utter annoyance (something that is pretty easy to do when you're me).

i am discovering that selling your car is about as fun as moving from one apartment to another. read: NOT FUN. the readers of craigslist:boston seem to be just as poor as me which makes me wonder why they are wasting my time looking at my car in the first place, just to end up telling me that, they too, are going to ride the T (the subway). i've had about eight people come and test drive my car and still no offers. i was kind of hoping this would be the kind of sale like my drums were, the ripping off the band aid kind, where my car would be gone before i even realized what had happened. but no. now, with each passing day, i only want to keep my car more as i simultaneously realize that i can't afford to keep it. grrr.

two potential car buyers have risen above the rest in the annoyance category. the first is the socially impaired boy who sent me this gem of an email, which i must preface by saying i am asking $2300 for my car:

hi. i saw your listing on craigslist and im very interested in buying your car. i currently have a deal with another person on craigslist who is selling the exact same car for $1000. the only thing is that the communication isnt that great. im willing to give you the $1000 and im willing to pick up the car tomorrow. please keep in touch. im really interested in buying this type of car and honestly i hope i can purchase it from you. thanks alot and hopefully i will be buying your car. thanks.

what a presumptuous butthole! i was so annoyed when i read this that i think i probably screamed. who does he think he is? he thinks he can just send me an email, without ever even looking at my car, offering LESS THAN HALF of what i'm asking? 'hopefully i will be buying your car'? i think not. hopefully you will learn some social skills.

the second nimrod i unfortunately met today when he came to see my car. i had a bad feeling about him because his name is kevin and he signs his emails "kev." sure enough, kev was a complete tool. he's one of those people who thinks they know everything about cars and so proceeded to tell me everything that is wrong and is going to be wrong with my car. according to him, the clutch is about to go out, the alternator needs work, the muffler leaks, water is seeping into my car from every window, and despite my constant statements to the contrary, there absolutely has to be electrical problems because all 1994 vw golf’s have electrical problems. he just knows these things. and the real icing on the cake was when i showed him where the paint is cracking on my bumper and he chipped some off! what the hell? just because that's going to happen eventually anyhow and according to him my car will probably explode in the next five seconds is no excuse to pick paint off of someone else's bumper. the test drive was sheer hell: a time for him to display his infinite knowledge of automobiles and put my poor little car through every possible test while i rolled my eyes constantly at the back of his head and mumbled obscenities under my breath. finally, he declared that it is "a pretty good car" which i found amazing after his thorough assessment of its faults. after he left, i did scream and jump up and down in sheer annoyance. the worst part is, if he wants to buy it for a reasonable price i'm going to have to sell it to him, even though the last thing i want to do is give my beautiful, wonderful car to such an a-hole. do you see what happens when you're poor? you're forced to surrender your principles. you're forced to shop at walmart and support the man and eat cheap, crappy food. my life is a walking, breathing example of the fundamental problems in our country.

ahhh...the sweet bliss of overdramatic blogging. this is one of the only ways i can still stick it to the man, so thank God it’s free.

i miss my cheese

when i moved here i obviously realized it would mean losing some things. i knew i would have to adjust to not living near the majority of my friends and family, not seeing matea and geneva every week or two, and not living in green and rainy oregon. but there were some things, i am coming to realize, that i didn't even know i was giving up. no, these things wouldn't have kept me in oregon, but i am still mourning thier loss, however small.

1. tillamook cheese

for as long as i can remember, tillamook medium (and occasionally sharp) cheddar cheese has been a major staple of my diet. i always had to have a brick of it on hand, and no substitute would do, especially not nasty kraft american singles. so imagine my shock and horror when, on my first grocery shopping trip in boston, i couldn't find my precious brick of tillamook cheese in the dairy section. i just stood there, mouth gaping, unable to believe the absence of something so important to me. my friend pat tells me they sell it at whole foods, but i have yet to verify this rumor.

2. the fred meyer day-after-thanksgiving sock sale

the past several thanksgivings it has been my mom and me's tradition to hit the annual day after thanksgiving sock sale at our local fred meyer. i was gazing at one of my favorite sock sale finds, a worn-out pair of tall, striped beauties, when it occured to me: they don't even HAVE fred meyer here, let alone the sock sale! where will i get my yearly supply of socks? what will i do the day after thanksgiving? mom, you're going for me and sending me the socks. this is what i have decided.

3. when the rain drops, the temperature drops

not so in boston! it's been raining for the last few days and it is so freaking humid! i hate this muggy-ness! in oregon, when it rains, it (generally) cools off and you can enjoy it. you can frolic in it without breaking a sweat. you can wear proper rain attire without feeling like your body is on fire. here, you have to keep wearing shorts and flip flops and blast the a.c. and try not to care that your toes are soaking wet.

disclaimer

alright, time for a long overdue disclaimer about that lovely little poem i wrote about my accident. i am fine! no broken bones, no permenant damage (i hope), i am perfectly okay. i didn't mean to freak you all out with that poem, and wil, kari, and denice, and whoever else i scared the crap out of, i apologize. it was never my intention.

speaking of head-on collisions, i have certainly collided head-on with my new life in boston. i've been here a month now and i've already dated two guys, been in a major car accident, and had a major identidy crisis. and some of those things aren't really past tense. i have realized that it is unwise to discuss certain issues in my blog, however tempted i may be, but i will say that i've met a very nice guy named matt and he is very sweet to me. yesterday he had (minor) surgery (yes, i just cant stay away from hospitals) and i took him and brought him home and nursed him back to health. i mean, all i really did was take care of him, not "nurse him back to health" but i just like that phrase and i've been using it as much as possible. after his surgery when he was recovering, he walked around a tiny bit, sat back down, and promptly passed out. it was so freaky! he was only out for like 30 seconds, but it was scary. his head just dropped into his chest and he instantly started snoring. after that we spent a good couple of hours making sure he wasn't going to pass out again, drinking tiny apple juices and ginger ales, reading outdated magazines, and getting to know the nurses. this one nurse, maureen, was wearing these extremely see-through white pants and entirely visible white underwear underneath. i couldn't stop staring at her poor, exposed butt, and silently wishing she had had the common sense to realize how transparent her pants were so that everyone who looked at her wasn't placed in the horribly awkward position of wanting to tell her but not being able to. it really was tragic.

i really like my new job, although it has its ups and downs just like any other job. i'm getting to know all of the kids here, and i like each of them a lot in their own unique ways. there are a lot of rules and routines to learn, and just time and experience that need to take place. but most of the time i'm not bored and i feel like i am in the right place, working to help others, and working with others, which is so refreshing after the chalk art solitude.

head-on collision

riding in the passenger seat
grey blur of road, blueness of sky
complacent

sudden flash of red
BAM!
no time
brief blackness
deflating airbags
pain and shock
spidered, broken glass

sluggish and slow
call 911!
try to get out
my door wont open enough
am i okay?

stranger helps me out
pain in my leg
pain in my neck
pain in my face
lips burning
stranger helps me to the grass

car on fire
why aren't they putting it out?
stranger pulls me up
by my armpits
get away from the car!
i don't want my purse to burn up.
danielle gazes past me, in shock.

sirens, voices
the sound of my own crying
neck brace strapped around me
emt propping me up
aching back
you need to calm down.
sobbing, choking
i want my family.
you need to try and calm down.

laid flat on my back
pant leg chopped open with scissors
does this hurt?
does this hurt?
strapped to a back board
dont move your neck.
blue tape stretched over my forehead
over my chin.
i couldn't move if i wanted to

waiting, tears streaming
pale blue sky and evergreen branches
voices of people i cannot see
boughs blowing in the soft wind

lifted up, put in ambulance
my name is pat.
are you having trouble breathing?
questions, questions, questions
i crack some jokes, because i'm scared
danielle still beside me
bumpy ride
searing pain in my head
ambulance roof, white metal
gray strip of cushion
running down the middle

south shore hospital
please take off this blue tape.
it hurts so bad.
more questions
more strangers
i want my mommy.
shadow of a moth
trapped in the ceiling light
something to focus on
put her in room 32.
we'll take it off as soon as we can.
i cant stand the pain

left alone in room 32
on a back board, on a gurney
no one comes
the pain and pressure build
white lights, blinding
blurry television, bob saget
checkerboard ceiling panels
blurred through my tears

clawing at the blue tape
i manage to loosen it
rebellious, i grope for my cell
call tim, the only friend i have
in my new home
leave frightened message
finally nurse comes

tape removed
sweet freedom
my new bed is like clouds
compared to the rock hard backboard
dr. murphy
he's hot
he pokes me everywhere
sometimes it hurts

hours alone, flat on my back
calming down
x-rays, left alone in hallways
waiting for transport
God, Jesus, what are you trying to tell me?
nothing? anything?

all i know right now is
i am still alive

someday i will be loved

yesterday was my second day at work and it was much better. i guess i just felt more comfortable my the end of the day. i've been listening to death cab for cutie's new cd, plans, as tim is in love with them and i am going to their show with him next month. this one song stole my heart as soon as i heard it, so i am going to share the words with you, because that is what i do when this happens.

"Someday You Will Be Loved"

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

i am getting this anxious feeling like i have to do it all...and my all, i mean, show my work in galleries, make art, set up a studio, join a band...why do the things i love become items on my to do list? and why am i so lazy? i used to be so motivated back in high school, i did all of my homework and all of those extracurriculars and now all i want to do after work is sleep. i hate it. i long for the motivation i need to sustain me and all of my dreams and ambitions. i am never going to accomplish anything at this snail's pace. so frustrating. how do i choose how to spend my free time, the precious free time when i'm not tired? how can i find the balance between being patient with myself and pursuing what i want wholeheartedly?

i miss oregon

today was my first day at my new job. it was weird. i think i'll like it eventually but i have everyone there telling me that the first few months will be weird. so my first few months in boston will be weird, and my first few months at my job will be weird...fun times! at this moment, i want to go home. but i dont at the same time. i just want my oregon friends and family. and i want instant joy here, but i know i have to earn it. it's a pretty lonely place. don't get me wrong, my roomates are rad and i am getting to know some cool people, but none of them are my best friends.

i hate the feeling that i am just waiting for something exciting to happen, something to entertain me. that seems dangerous. it takes time to set up a quality support system, to make a life for yourself in a new city. the problem is, at times it's not very fun.

sunrise with rv

sunrise with rv
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

my favorite shot from the road trip

better together

well, i am back to finish my story.

as the evening came on of our second day, we were heading through illinois for chicago. i just kept right on driving, and brian and i just kept right on talking. we were having one of those great, honest, best friend conversations and brian declared, "i think i could stay awake for the rest of the trip!" i had my doubts about this claim, and they were confirmed when brian passed out next to me about an hour later, apparently bored to death from my endless rambling. we had already passed through the bright lights of the windy city, and i kept going for as long as i could, eventually stopping for gas at a truck stop in illinois or indiana. "brian..." i whined. "i'm tired." he mumbled something about staying at the truck stop for awhile, so i pulled the car into an emptier section of the parking lot and tried my hand at sleeping with the steering wheel. not pleasant. brian slept on like a baby, undisturbed by the lights and noises and steering wheels that kept waking me up, not to mention the worry that once brian regained consciousness he was going to be pissed that we had stopped for so long. after about four hours, i decided to wake up and keep going. i downed some red bull, chewed on some bubblicious, and drove on until the sun rose and brian finally awoke. he declared that this was the moment of the road trip for which he was most proud of me, for continuing on while he was incapacitated. i only had one reply: "i could stay awake for the rest of the trip!"

we calculated that we should arrive in boston around 7 pm that evening, and soon brian took up driving again for the rest of the journey. road trip nastiness was setting in...we both stank and needed to shave, our tummies hurt from too many snacks...and i was becoming delirious from being trapped in the car for two days and starting to get sad about moving. we passed through indiana, ohio, and pennsylvania, and somewhere in there we had to pay our first toll. brian was still asleep at this point, and i went into the "exact change" lane on accident. well, i didn't have exact change, so i threw what i had into the metal bucket and then roused brian for guidance. he suggested getting out and walking over to the booth to pay the lady, and, despite my doubts, i exited the vehicle. people immediately began honking and shouting, the toll booth lady yelled "get back in your car! just go! get back in your car!" embarrassed and humilated, i ran back to the car and sped off as fast as i could.

we passed the afternoon by driving right through the middle of the beautiful state of new york. i was innocently enjoying the scenery when all of sudden brian struck me in the throat. he didn't hit me that hard, but he scared me and i started gasping for breath and crying and laughing at the same time. a lesser man might have freaked out about this reaction, but brian just pulled over and let me sob for awhile. for the last few years, i seem to need some kind of trigger to actually start crying when i need to cry. apparently, brian smacking me in the throat triggered my sadness about moving and leaving everyone, so i let it all out at a rest stop in new york city, and then we headed onward.

around 8 pm eastern time, approximately 54 hours after starting our journey, we finally located my new home in boston. we had been driving for 2.25 days and shelled out around $300 for gas and $30 for tolls. my wonderful little car, now aptly nicknamed the rhinestone cowboy, made it 3200 miles without incident. brian and i spent two lovely days in boston, and then we said goodbye at the subway station in harvard sqaure. i cried, of course, and watched him descend the stairs into the subway before turning around and walking into my new life, all by myself.

mama says...

i am in boston and back online, baby! i have finally located the free internet access at my new town library and now i am ready and rearing to blog! i know you all have been dying to hear about the road trip, so here goes...

we departed the beautiful blue and green state of oregon on wednesday evening, august 31st. i drove the relatively short 3 hours up to kemi's house in seattle, and we stayed the night there. kemi (unlike brian) was nice enough to give me a butt massage since my ass hurt from the driving. if only she could have come along for the rest of the ride. it was great to see kemi and her fam, and we took off for our big adventure the next morning, thursday, september 1st, at 10:45 am pacific time.

i made myself and brian proud by driving the first leg of the journey, a 7 hour trek that took us through washington, the tip of idaho, and finally to missoula, montana. i blasted the stereo, ate my mom's homemade cookies, and brian read harry potter like a mad man. he angered me greatly (okay, slightly) by reading ahead to the end and finding out who the half blood prince is and who dies. my ass kept aching, and i made brian shove my pillow under it for awhile, which slightly helped but made me extremely tall and made the angle of my leg on the gas pedal extremely awkward. we decided to stop for dinner at costco in missoula, despite my protest that costco doesn't sell tacky souvenirs. brian dared me to down the second half of his fruit smoothie in one gulp, and it made for a hilarious photo of me with tears dripping down my face. we observed that missoula had almost no attractive people, except for one man and woman who were of course married with three kids.

brian took the wheel for the next stretch, and we drove across montana as the sun began to set. he appeased me by stopping at a gas station so i could buy a tacky montana postcard, and then i began the long and difficult process of trying to fall asleep in a crammed car when your whole life is about to change. needless to say, it took two sleeping pills, one open window, four hours, and finally the soothing sounds of sarah mclachlan to put me to sleep. before i passed out, brian pulled over in the middle of nowhere and we got out to look at the stars. i cant remember if it was in montana or wyoming, but it was amazing. i have never seen so many constellations, so many tiny, flickering, white speckles of light. we stared in awe and remarked about how all of them are always there, we just can't usually see them in the bright lights of even a small city. the night passed in a weird state of feeling highly medicated and sleepy, yet waking up at every noise. brian ran over a rabbit and missed an exit and that woke me up...i stared at him, half awake, and he snapped "what are you looking at?" it was pretty funny. he chugged red bull and so we stopped every couple of hours so he could pee. at like 3 am, we stopped at a tiny gas station and store in wyoming, where there was a woman working who was atleast in her forties. brian asked her how much longer it would take to get to south dakota (he was estimating about two) and she started naming off cities and then said, "mama says 6 hours." brian questioned her a little, and she repeated, "well, mama says 6 hours and i always listen to what mama says" in her twangy wyoming drawl. it took two hours, but brian and i repeated "mama says" countless times on the rest of the trip.

when i finally woke up, we were in south dakota and brian had been driving for ten hours. we stopped and changed into some fresh clothes, and i re-assumed my role of daytime driver while brian attempted the troublesome sleeping thing. we passed by the badlands and a million signs for wall drug and the world famous corn palace, and by the time we passed into minnesota brian was finally asleep. about ten miles into the evil land of minnesota, i was promptly pulled over for speeding, thus waking brian from his slumber. "90 in a 70," officer olsen reported to me, "and it took me four miles to catch up with you." crap. my luck with countless warnings had surely run out, and he issued me a $137 ticket, which of course he knew i wouldn't be coming back to minnesota to contest. brian and i decided right then and there that minnesota was stupid, and nothing happened on the rest of the drive across to change our minds.

after minnesota came wisonsin, which i recall being relatively boring but atleast not stupid. if my memory serves me (and it probably doesn't) it was somewhere around here that we broke out good ol' micheal jackson number ones and had ourselves a grand singalong. i danced, too, but brian forced me to keep one hand on the wheel at all times. we bonded over the glorious "man in the mirror" which brian loved as a child. he recalled being seven or eight and having the stomach flu, laying weak on the floor in bathroom from constant vomiting, and then hearing that music video come on mtv in the living room. he loved that song so much that he pulled his weary body on the floor by his elbows and crawled into the room to see it. now that's dedication. brian was hysterical singing along, and i got chills from the key change. it was damn hilarious.

stay tuned for the next installment of the road trip entry, including such intriguing stories as...

* why people should have to take a course on toll booths before ever passing through one
* why people should never suddenly strike emotionally fragile women
* and why people should never make ludicrous claims when they are sleep-deprived

drawing constellations

this last weekend kicked my ass. it punched me in the ribs, kicked me in the back, chewed me up and spit me out onto the cold, hard, earth, leaving only a wasted shell of the sullen, shuffling, yet slightly hopeful woman i was on friday.

lesson of the month: dont help your mom paint her living room a week and a half before you move across the country.

dont get me wrong, i love my mom and i was happy to help her, the timing just turned out to be sucky. i also finished cleaning out my room at home this weekend, an act that unleashed killer dustbunnies and the worst allergy attack i've had in months. by 9 pm on sunday, i had to concede defeat, take benedryl, and fall into a coma. alas, after i woke up on monday and treated myself to a delightful teeth cleaning at my dentist, the living room still wasn't finished being painted. hermoine would just die if she heard this (luckily she's a fictional character...phew!) but i could really use some house elves right about now.

i think i drank to much mountain dew. i feel funny.

that's what wil declared after lunch yesterday, a hilarious hour of theatrics that bringing together random groupings of my friends sometimes creates. there were funny faces, staged fights, hell, even an inneundo or two. but that quote (minus the mountain dew part, i hate mountain dew) perfectly describes how i've been feeling. i feel funny. this whole getting ready to move across the country thing...it's bizarre, i tell you! and kind of stressful, running errands and packing and scheduling goodbyes and what not. my oasis for this insanity has been found in jack johnson, who's music i never fully appreciated until the show. he's just so good live. i am so in love with his song "constellations" off of his "in between dreams" album. so in love, i am going to post the lyrics and i heartily recommend that you download it and listen to it when you just need to chill out, feel romantic, and let all the funny feelings slip away.

the light was leaving in the west it was blue
the children’s laughter sang
and skipping just like the stones they threw
their voices echoed across the waves
it’s getting late

and it was just another night
with a sunset and a moonrise
not too far behind to give us just enough light
to lay down underneath the stars
we listened to Papa’s translations
of the stories across the sky
we drew our own constellations

the west winds often last too long
and when they calm down, nothing ever feels the same
sheltered under the Kamani tree
waiting for the passing rain
clouds keep moving to uncover the sea
stars up above us chasing the day away
to find the stories that we sometimes need
listen close enough and all else fades
fades away

and it was just another night
with a sunset and a moonrise
not so far behind to give us just enough light
to lay down underneath the stars
listen to all translations
of the stories across the sky
we drew our own constellations

it's just so beautiful. i really wish it would rain before i move away. this seems unlikely. the other morning i woke up to the loveliest sound...rain pattering against the window. i lay in bed, mentally writing a blog about the first rain of fall and the romance of it all, soaking up the moment. then i got up to gaze at the beauty awaiting me outside the window, pulled back the blinds, and saw a flawless blue sky. what the? i mumbled, realizing my rain was only a sprinkler.

talk about a tease.

twelve days

t-minus 12 days until i leave for the big, bad bean-town. why the crap do people say "t-minus"? i've always wondered. one of life's many mysteries. so, i have twelve days to say my "see you later"s, take care of all my moving business, somehow acquire a large sum of money, get my car fixed, and pack five cars worth of possessions into one. that last thing is what i am most concerned about, atleast currently. i'm staying at brian's until i leave, and my stuff is taking up an entire room, boxes and boxes of miscellany, a sight that makes me want to hurl everytime i dare to peek in. but i must start tackling it, and i must start tackling it today, thus why i am procrastinating by writing this blog.

my last twelve days are further complicated by the fact that brian is moving into another apartment in this complex before we leave. this makes the need to organize my shit much more pressing, as if it wasn't already pressing enough. furthermore, there is my room at home to consider, on which i have made some progress, but not enough. ew, ew, ew, i have to stop talking about this before i spew.

last night at approximately 12:20 am i finished the latest harry potter installment, harry potter and the half blood prince. i must say, i was quite satisfied...in had romance, intrigue, mystery, humor...but with each harry potter book i read, i feel worse and worse for harry and the crap he constantly has to face. he's come a long way from the carefree days of the sorcerer's stone, i'll tell you that right now. being a boy wizard isn't fun and games anymore...it's life or death! poor, poor, brave harry. he's quite the little sixteen year old stud.

on tuesday, brian, nicole and i made the four hour drive to bend to see jack johnson at the les schwab amphitheatre. good show. on the way there, we stopped at this teeny tiny country store after being warned that the next place to get gas was 56 miles down the road. the owner of the country store turned out to be quite the renaissance man, for while we were chatting it up with him, we realized he was also the town's realtor. "i'm the mayor, too," he said as he scooped our ice cream. we thought he was joking, but he wasn't. we declared him to be a stud, as well, and continued on our way.

the concert pretty much ruled, the second opener, ALO, or the animal liberation orchestra (they get the best band name of the year award in my book) were freaking amazing, and jack rules live. at one point he brought this little boy named caleb up on stage to play a song, and this kid was phenomenal! jack said he met him last year in bend and caleb could play all of his songs, so this year he let him play one on stage. what a big soft heart that jack johnson has! later in the show these boys were brawling right up by the stage and he said, "hey, guys, that's not what the ladies want to see. they want to see guys dancing, not fighting." needless to say, i thought that was rad, and i wanted to have his babies. so besides the inevitable wafting smell of pot and overaged, inappropriate dirty dancing that every outdoor show seems to bring out, it was definitely worth 40 big ones. especially since i haven't actually paid the 40 big ones back to brian yet. evil laugh.

mommy pants

tonight i am spending the night at my mom's new house in the o.c. (that's oregon city, for all you non-lame people out there). she's so cute, she set up the spare bedroom for me, complete with pictures of me and family on my bedside table. she also put a her "i'm having a baby" journal on the table for me to read. i've read it before, but it's always an intriguing read, especially now that i'm nearing the age where i'll probably pop one out myself. she had me when she was 24, but she told me not to go getting any ideas. the journal is a detailed account of her pregnancy with yours truly, and the subsequent birth, and my little bro even snagged a few pages for his entry into the big bad world. i don't know if these things are passed on, but my mom had really short labors and didn't puke very much when she was pregnant. this makes me hopeful. the times she did hurl were both from a chili dog overdose, a lesson that took her two times to fully learn. freaking nasty. i'll spare you the gross anatomical details, even though there are a few phrases i'm dying to mention. but i'm not going to, and i hope you remember this if you ever doubt my love for you.

lisa is just too busy to think about going potty. she is so smart and big for her age. she can be so funny and cute and then turn around and be such a brat.

that's my mom's description of me at two. ironically, i think most of it is still fairly accurate. i still find stopping activities to use the bathroom quite annoying, and i guess i'm still a cute, funny brat. the one thing that bothers me...big for her age? was my mom calling me fat? oh, my parents called me lisa beth for the first five or so years of my life. little known fact. then in first grade i declared i wanted to be called elizabeth (my real name) and then in sixth i told the teacher to call me liz, and so it has been ever since. fascinating, ay?

hands down my favorite part of the journal is my mom talking about maternity clothes, especially maternity pants, which she refers to as "mommy pants." i can just picture my mom and dad going into fred meyer in 1981 to pick out "mommy slacks" and "mommy jeans." what an adorable thought. tonight i have a feeling i am going to dream about the inside of fred meyer in 1981. i can't wait to see what it looked like.

some mistakes are too fun to only make once. random readerboard, and my new mantra

moments

life is a series of moments...some beautiful, some tragic, some humorous, and some boring. those truly beautiful, poignant moments are so rare, but they are what make us willing to trudge through the boring and painful moments that take up so much of our lives.

there is a moment, in every relationship, where i attach. it is early on, perhaps too early on, and once i'm attached, that's it. the pain of loss is locked in, guaranteed, looming in my inevitable future. this attachment is not a conscious choice, it's not a choice at all. it is who i am to give myself to others wholeheartedly, to throw caution to the wind, to wear my heart on my sleeve. this practice is, in a word, dangerous. to truly know someone takes time and some degree of distance and objectivity, all of which are lost with such an early attachment.

there is a moment, in every doomed relationship, where one person seals themselves off from the other. they mentally throw in the towel, write you off, and declare your love a lost cause. even if the relationship trudges on, fighting the inevitable, that moment is when it is over. that is the instant when the possibilities end, and you are let go. the decision is made, and once that moment passes, you can never truly have that person back.

a moment can change everything.

so, you're quitting your job...

yes, after many months of whining, worrying, and moaning, it is finally my last week at roth's friendly foodliners. unfortunately, this has brought on a lack of motivation the likes of which i have never seen. when i actually manage to squeeze out a new sign, it usually looks like dung, but i can't muster up the heart to even care. luckily for me, my idea of what looks like dung looks pretty ok to the average grocery-shopper and/or worker, so i'm safe.

the great thing about it being my last week is that i (pretty much) don't have to worry about getting fired by my arch-nemesis, the store manager. this has made it oh-so-easy for my quick-witted, smart-ass comments to come flying out whenever i am in his presence, or even the presence of several other managers. this week, it's all about getting the laughs and serving up the wit, and i finally don't have to worry about the consequences. in the spirit of this new-found freedom, brian and i spent the better part of tonight's dinner discussing ways to go out with a bang that i probably won't be trying...

* hanging out in the breakroom and dropping scandalous comments/telling outlandish stories about coworkers

* filling the bottom of any and all utensil buckets with glue

* placing a chalk sign of dave in a dress in the entryway and waiting to see how long it takes for him to notice

* dumping water in dave's office and saying, "sorry, i left the water running in your office." (he once did that to me while i was working in the cafe and didn't clean it up)

got any other fun ideas? feel free to send them my way. however, i am expecting absolutely no response, because, as lloyd says in my new favorite movie, say anything, "if you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise." i freaking love that movie. i think it's time to watch it again.

open heart, broken heart

it hurts to be me right now. today is one of those annoying days in which your heart kind of aches all day, except for those moments when you are momentarily distracted, after which you endure the painful pang that comes with remembering why you are so sad. i've had other days like this that were much more painful, days i thought i couldn't survive. i knew i could make it through this one, it just took a little extra somethin somethin.

if it's this hard after three days, how's it going to be after three weeks?

that's what greg said when we had "the talk" last night. and as i sat there, feeling extremely crappy, i couldn't help but agree. there is a fine line between "living for the moment" and being masochistic. damn, i was sure i spelled that wrong, but i spell checked it and i'm right. i'll add that to my list of reasons to live.

i can be honest with you, but you have to be honest with yourself...

i dont want to be honest with myself, because when i am, i know i shouldn't see him again. but i also know that i'm not sure if i can resist the pull. the truth is, it probably isn't worth the pain. but the mistake is made, i can't go back, and now i don't know what to do...i dont know what i will do.

you're leaving in a month. i'm not letting myself get attached to you.

damn, i wish i could control my feelings like that! wouldn't that be convienient. but the more i think about it, feeling less just wouldn't be me. it might be easier, but i feel like it would mean sacrificing something valuable. i guess i just wish this was as hard for him as it is for me.

you're going to have lots of relationships, some casual, and some serious...

exactly why i wish i wouldn't have attached myself to him, to someone i will probably never see again. today it truly hit me that i may have made a huge mistake. but i made it. and i'm leaving. and that's just the way it is. there's no getting out of jail free on this one.

approximately one year ago i was writing about matt and i breaking up. i wrote about how, at that time, he was all i wanted. now greg is all i want, and i'm starting to really devalue my objectivity. i think the only real way to tell what you really want is the test of time, the test of seperation, the chance to see them for what they truly are. the problem is, i seem to give my heart away and get it broken long before that ever occurs. i ended my "matt and i broke up" entry a year ago with this quote, and, unfortunately, it applies again today.

i built another temple to a stranger...i gave away my heart to the rushing wind... dan haseltine

this week, on the life of liz

my life has become a tv show. i know, i recently went off about tv and how unrealistic it is, but now my life is indeed a comedy/drama (dramedy?) along the lines of sex and the city. think in tv plot terms with me for a minute...what would happen if the lead (a hot twenty-something blond who's searching for more out of life than just the usual) decided to leave capeside, er, mcminnville, and move to boston to start a new and exciting chapter of her life? well, she'd meet a man of course! and yes, i said man, not boy. and then she'd be faced with a decision...give this man part of her heart, part of her last days with the people closest to her, knowing full well it's going to hurt like hell when she leaves...or play it safe and responsible and put an immediate end to the madness. well, if you know me at all, i guess you already know my decision. it's not everyday you actually have to decide rather to live for the moment or not, and now that i'm faced with that choice, i know exactly how i want to live. how i have to live, or else live to regret it. now all that matters is the little detail of finding out what our "relationship" means to him, having that awkward, necessary conversation that will determine if my recklessness and pain is actually worth it. the problem is, i'm pretty sure it's too late to turn back now anyway. and my bittersweet heart now has moments of wrenching pain sprinkled into the mix, right along with surges of truly feeling alive.

love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one; not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. lock it up safe it the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetreble, inredeemable.

to love is to be vulnerable.

c.s. lewis

castle school

castle school
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

my new work in cambridge, ma!

the rather large sleeve

ok...the verdict is in. my professional conversation went quite well, and i got the job. I AM MOVING TO BOSTON. that is by far the most exciting thing i have ever written on this blog. and, i was thinking about it, and it's also probably the "biggest" thing i've ever done. it's certainly the farthest i've ever moved. until now, the farthest was 45 minutes away from oregon city to newberg, to to a teeny tiny christian college. looking back, i cant believe how traumatizing that was for me, what a huge transistion it was. i know what you're thinking...if that was a huge transistion, how are you going to successfully move across the country? well, that was five years ago, and i like to think i've come a long way since then. and truthfully, i have. dont get me wrong, i'm not expecting this to be easy. i know i have a hard time with change. and there's a significant part of me that wants to call the whole thing off just so i can stay near most of the people that mean the most to me, jet over to brian's or my mom's whenever i feel like it, and ensure that i will be at the hospital when matea and geneva's little brothers or sisters are born. but i know, and you know, after listening to my complaining these many months, that i have to get out of here. i need a big change, a big city, a big, huge bucket of possibilities. before i went to boston for the interview, my friend tim told me that he was sure "G0d had something up his rather large sleeve" for me. i like that image, and it appears that he has (finally) pulled it out, and it is boston. i suppose i probably wont really believe it until i've been there for a few months, and i'm expecting it to be emotionally difficult for atleast that long. hopefully i'll acquire a hot boyfriend to comfort me in my angst. not to mention for safety reasons!

so it is looking like brian and i will be moving me in my car via a cross country road trip! how rad is that going to be? i've always wanted to do the cross country road trip thing, i came close once with my friend anne, and who better to do it with than your best friend? it'll be one last hurrah, as i have started to call everything that i'm planning in the little-more-than a month before i leave. the road trip? one last hurrah. the jack johnson show in bend? one last hurrah. living with brian for two weeks before i leave? one last hurrah. the huge going away party i want my friends to throw for me even though they dont know yet? one hell of a last hurrah.

of course, now that i have FINALLY got another job, i can FINALLY give my notice at roth's!!! praise hallelujah! how long have i dreamed of this moment...and it will be happening on tuesday. FINALLY!!! i cant believe that God helped me survive these last months, as i think it was atleast three months ago that i was seriously contemplating just quitting and getting a job as a waitress here in mac. thank you, God, for helping me not to settle, and to wait for this amazing opportunity you have given me. may this be a lesson to all you readers out there! good things really do come to those who wait...and wait...and suffer...and wait.

this is so insane, i cant believe it, etc, etc, etc!!!!

contemplating cambridge

harvard black and white
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

fungwah, baby!

as i write this, i am sitting at the window of a starbucks in the heart of soho, nyc! un-freaking-believable. today is a very brave day for me -- i rode the fungwah bus from boston to chinatown, new york, all by myself, and now i am wandering the streets of manhattan, with only my whims and red map to guide me. i wanted to come to soho because it's the shopping hub of the country and i think it'd be fun to see some celebs. so far the closest to a celeb i've seen is a tiny film crew documenting two fashionable chicks walking down the street. i've been brave enough to briefly pop into a few carrie-bradshaw-worthy shops, but i shy away from most of them, fearing that salespeople can see right into my brain's "where's the clearance section?" mindset. i've got the nyc persona down pat, walking briskly in front of oncoming traffic with a scowl on my face. my darn polite oregonian manners keep bubbling up though, but i figure that's not such a bad thing. there is a teeny, tiny, squirming baby next to me at starbucks, and i'm dying to take about 20 pictures of it. why isn't it socially acceptable to take pics of stranger's kids? come on!

last night i saw the most amazing fireworks i've ever seen by far. twinkling stars, swirling comets, ever-expanding bursts of neon lines...it was so beautiful. we all watched, captivated, for about 20 minutes, in a state of complete viewing ecstasy. and then the sky cleared, and we were left with only an aftertaste and a strong desire for more. tim has roof access, so we were able to watch them explode over the charles river from the best possible spot. the boston pops orchestra played along with the show on the radio, coordinating their crescendos with the booms of the explosions. it was the first fourth of july i've ever actually loved.

i case you cant tell, i actually wrote that above stuff yesterday. after finishing my day in nyc, i came to a couple more conclusions.

1. i was totally jipped out of seeing any celebrities despite trekking through the city for five hours with a twenty pound backpack and blisters from my new shoes.

2. i found all of the hot guys! they're in boston and new york. sorry, oregon.

love is like a role that we play -- dashboard confessional

comfy new shoes

i've been in boston for almost three days now, and i pretty much love it here. tim and i and his wonderful friends have been having lots of fun and random adventures. we spent saturday on the freedom trail, including many diversions and a huge hike up bunker hill monument (a large phallic symbol in the center of boston), sunday was cambridge, where my "professional conversation" is and where i'm hoping to live if i move here and then out with some of tim's peops to a bar called "the republic" which was strangely decorated with chinese war memorabilia, including a huge boot that appeared to be made out of pie tins, and then today we're strolling newberry street, a shopping mecca. i just bought these shoes i've been wanted for many moons, and i was hoping to get them in boston so they'd be even cooler. they're black and white checkered vans. see: tim lives in one of my favorite areas of boston, beacon hill, and from his roof you can pretty much see the whole city. we're watching the fireworks from up there tonight.

besides all of this diary type reporting of what i've been doing, there is of course a whole tide of conflicting emotions that come when you're visiting an amazing city and thinking of moving here very soon. it's exciting, it's scary...my biggest fear is moving here and being alone. i know that won't happen, but i know it's going to be hard, atleast for awhile, and there's a part of me that wants to stay in my comfy, full of reliable friends place in oregon. yet i know i cant, i know i'm suffocating there. this is all just very surreal, how comfortable i feel here after just three days.

scammed!

scammed!
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

hanging in a park by harvard square, i was scammed by a con-artist disguised as a bum into paying $1 for a free newspaper

me in boston

me in boston
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

talk show material

i HAD to post this. i just saw a lady at my work, with a mullet, wearing a t-shirt that said "talk show material" on the front. does that sum up my last blog entry or what? i wish i had a photo to post (although that might be kind of mean) because seeing her in a place where no one has read my blog was like having an inside joke between me, myself, and i and no one to share it with.

ok, now for the most exciting news EVER! the day after tomorrow, which would be friday, i am getting on a plane and taking off for BOSTON! while my cover story here at work is that i'm going "to see friends" which isn't a lie, the main reason i'm going, the reason i can justify taking a week and half off to fly across the country, is because...well, i'm scared to say this, because brian got me all paranoid about somebody from my work reading my blog and me getting fired, so i'll just have to give you clues. what have i been looking for lately? what happens before you actually get one of those? you sit down in a nice outfit and have a professional conversation with the person who wants to give you a lovely new opportunity. comprende?

so, i am very, very excited. i am going to try and line up some other dressy professional 'conversations' while i am out there, and i'm also going to spend four days exploring downtown new york! my only worry is that my cutting edge mcminnville fashion won't cut it in sarah jessica's hometown, but i'll have fun trying. i'm staying with my friend tim in beacon hill in boston, and then taking this cheap bus, the chinatown bus, up to ny and back for four days. i hope to write of all my adventures often, so be checkin' in!

i am frustrated that i have to sensor myself over the internet, because i have some damn funny blogs in my head that will never be published here. it really is a shame. honesty is a dangerous thing, unfortunately. i push the envelope as far as i can for the life of liz, but i suppose those hilariously inappropriate blogs will just have to remain coversations with a few priveleged friends. hopefully that doesn't make the rest of you too curious...i'm sure the reality would disappoint you, anyway.

you eat pieces of shit for breakfast? happy gilmore

no more catfish in the sea

the life of liz presents

in association with barren wasteland studios

a grass is greener production

no more catfish in the sea: the top ten reasons i need to get the H out of mcminnville

10. three of the closest towns are named willamina, sheridan, and yamhill
9. the only radio stations that come in here are country
8. every town has a yearly festival -- mcminnville's is called turkey-rama
7. here, seeing a mullet is an everyday occurance
6. the 75% female population of linfield college easily domineers the 0.0025% quality male population, along with the percentage of half-way bearable guys
5. the store i work at sells CATFISH nuggets
4. people come here to raise families, not start families
3. the nearest large metropolis is one hour and ten minutes away
2. the phrase "slim pickin's" has become a regular part of my vocabulary

and the number one reason why i need to get the H out of mcminnville...

1. nearly every guy around here drives a loud car or a fast bike, which can only lead me to believe that they are compensating for something

i'm sorry you never wanted me, but that's how you made me want the gold medal the donnas

the terror of tv

i have been pondering this subject for some time, despite my natural american love for television. here are several reasons, stories, antecdotes, etc. that illustrate why tv is indeed terrible.

tv makes me lazy

i often wonder at how much people used to be able to accomplish before the "magic box" came into our lives. even though i often tell myself that i am just turning on the tv for some noise in my apartment, some strange electronic presence to keep me company, and i will be productive despite it being on, half the time i end up laying there, watching it, accomplishing pretty much nothing besides relaxing. maybe for a stressed out worrier like myself, that is an accomplishment.

tv perfects the art of overkill

i think i can explain this one with two words: reality shows. enough already! yet, of course, even a wise person such as myself has been sucked into a few of them. case in point: the apprentice. when i lived with shanna, we made it our thursday night thing to watch the apprentice and discuss how stupid most of the contestants were. on a sidenote, this experience made me realize i would never want to be competing against shanna for anything, especially in business. she would win, i would feel bad, it's all so predictable. anyhow, after every idiot except for two had been eliminated, it was time for the season finale. the three hour season finale. i wish i was kidding, but i did watch the entire thing. and boy, were they scrambling for crap to fill up that three hours with. by the time they had brought out some band to perform the theme song, "money money money money!" i was dangerously close to losing my mind and my dinner. you know when you eat too much of something and you end up puking it up, and then you can never eat it again? i haven't watched the apprentice since, and i still feel slightly ill when i think of that night.

tv encourages false expectations

we've all seen it -- the scene in every cookie-cutter tv show and movie...the one where the romantic leads, two people who were previously unaware of how attractive the other person was, suddenly lock eyes and instantly fall in love. perhaps thier gaze even leads to a mutual kiss, each somehow knowing the other feels it too. well, let me tell you, i'm 23 years old, and this has never happened to me. nor have i been chased down the street, sang to in my window, or stopped just before getting on a plane at the airport by someone dying to profess thier love to me. and thanks to years of brainwashing, i am actually disappointed by this. i actually find myself making up stories in which these things happen. and occasionally, amazing, tv worthy things do happen, but never quite in the same way you saw on the boob tube. and that's ok with me. real life is so much better, so much more beautiful. even with the long, boring patches.

the mack

the mack
Originally uploaded by lizzy poo.

how cool is this movie theater? it's one of my favorite buildings on third street.

lucky number tuesday

i know you all love my lists so much you could practically marry them, so here's another one for ya:

things (for me) to be happy about:

1. i am pursuing new and exciting opportunities!
2. thanks to proactiv solution, i now have the clear, beautiful complexion i've always dreamed of
3. i reading a funny book
4. i took most of my bills off of auto withdrawal, therefore averting yet another near-financial crisis
5. my mom's getting a kitten
6. the new harry potter book comes out next month
7. the new coldplay cd is already out
8. my new flickr account (i should have sent most of you an invite...if i didn't, tell me and i will! then you can view all my photos online)
9. i am in love with my hair at the moment
10. $2 dansko clogs
11. free food is raining down on me like manna from heaven
12. my friends' and family's uncanny ability to open my eyes to, and therefore deter me from, unpractical and ultimately lame courses of action
13. the ever-expanding hilarious movie quote database that resides in my brain
14. nicole is with child! p.g.! bun in the oven! prego spaghetti sauce!

p.s. that crazy girl is back at the library and she's sitting right next to me...

reunited (and it feels so good)

i don’t know what is going on, but in the last week i have seen a ton of people whom i havent seen in forever! first, my friend kari came back from paris last week, which i am very thankful for, since she lives here in mcminnville. it’s slim pickins for friends here, so thank goodness she’s back. then, i got to see kemi this last weekend (whom i still refer to as my roomate, even though college is over) and that was so nice. i love it when you see someone after a long time and the connection is still there. i haven’t seen her in six months, and we can see each other one day and spend the whole day in hysterical laughter. then, yesterday the craziest thing happened. my friend jen, who was my RA and close friend my freshman year at fox, emailed me and said she was going to be in the ‘berg! she’s staying in the dorms at fox for a conference, so i met her over there last night, and the experience was so surreal. not only was i seeing jen for the first time in three years, but i was seeing her in the fox dorms. we went to the coffee cottage, where i also spent a significant amount of time in college, to spend a couple of hours catching up. going to the coffee cottage always makes me nostalgic, because i can look at several of the tables and remember conversations that took place at each. it’s amazing how much can happen in such a tiny coffee shop. me and jen are in simular places in our lives, both knowing it’s time for something new but not yet sure what it is. so with all of that surrealness behind me, i was driving down 3rd street and i saw yet another familiar face that i haven’t seen since my freshman year…rob simpson and his family. he was the area coordinator in my dorm that year, and i was friends with his five year old son, alek. me and alek spent hours wrestling and playing in pennington lobby, and now he’s huge! seeing them was unreal. i decided to finish off the trip back to freshman year by calling tim, one of the only people i’ve managed to keep in touch with since then.

today i had a great talk with charlie, one of the pastors at my church. lately i have realized that i need to get out of mcminnville and into a more exciting place, a large metropolis of some sort. i love mcminnville, but i finally realized that it is a great place to settle down and raise a family, not to start your post-college life. i have a very sure feeling that God wants me to do something different, but he hasn’t shown me what is yet. it’s so hard to pursue a new path when you’re not sure where to go. i’m just trying to pursue different options, hoping he will direct me along the way. talking with charlie was great, because he reaffirmed everything i’m feeling, and told me i didn’t belong here. the question is, where do i belong?

the view of heaven from hell

prologue

for a few weeks now, i have had a mad urge to go to old navy and purchase insanely cute clothes and accessories. this has been hindered by two things: 1. there is no old navy anywhere in the general vicinity of mac. 2. even if there was, i, as usual, have no money. i know that eventually my mad urge will be temorarily satiated, but i never imagined the cruel twist of fate yesterday had in store for me.

* * *

in order for this story to be as entertaining as possible, the words "old navy" should be read in the sing-songy tune that is heard on their cheesy commercials. mom and nicole cummings, you know what i'm talking about. hopefully more of you do, too.

* * *

i spent yesterday in jail. no, not the kind with cells and bars where the only to survive is to kick someone's ass or become someone's bitch -- the kind of prison that is created by a 6.5 hour deli training session at lancaster roth's. this unique twist on hell began with a video entitled, "the invisible challenge." can you guess what the invisible challenge is? foodbourne illnesses! that's right! this fascinating little ditty featured an invisible narrator named howard and thought-provoking words like "shigella" and "drippage." the video was followed by the trainer reading the grotesque symptoms of every foodbourne illness on the planet, including shigella. after 45 minutes of this scare tactic, i came to a few conclusions: 1. eating is just a bad idea. 2. eating poop is a very bad idea. 3. ignorance is indeed bliss. next came our first break, where i ventured outside looking for a reason to go on. just before i went back inside, a gleaming wall of glass caught my eye. i looked up, and directly across the street, huge blue block letters proclaimed the words i'd been dying to hear: OLD NAVY. in that split second, with 47 cents to my name, trapped in the training session from hades, i understood the true meaning of injustice.

so, like so many times in my life, exactly what i wanted was so close, yet so far away. i had no choice but to face the sickening reality that i was not going to set foot in the cheap, trendy shopping mecca that day, and return to my jail cell. the afternoon contained many other tortures (how long do you think you could talk about slips, trips, and falls? how about how to suggestively sell potato salad?) but none compared to the view from one of the few windows...two stories of shopping goodness i can only call OLD NAVY.

all about cycles

ahhh...how i've been longing to blog for days now. and here i finally am, and my wrist hurts like a mofo. i'm going to claim workman's comp for wrist overuse due to chalk art demands. or something. God has been teaching me a lot lately. often, he uses my counselor (claire) to teach me or put a thought in my head that later leads to a realization. that's right, i see a therapist and i'm proud of it! i know some people are adamently against therapy for a variety of reasons, but claire is very beneficial for me, and i believe counseling (with the right counselor) can be very helpful for most people. ok, i'm coming down off my therapy soapbox.

i saw claire yesterday and she helped me to realize that i seem to repeat a simular pattern in many areas of my life. i know what i really want (in a job, man, church, etc.) and sometimes i am willing to wait and pray and work for it until it comes. but other times, it seems to far off, so i flirt with settling for something/one less than what i really want. usually (thank God), i pass out of that phase before actually settling, and then i remember for the umpteenth time what it is i really want and try to patiently trust and wait for it. see the cycle? bitterness and doubt usually accompanies the "settling" stage, and contentment and peace goes along with the "waiting" stage. thankfully, i recently passed out of the "settling" stage back into the much better "waiting" phase. and i didn't actually settle for a boy/job that i didn't really want, although i came close, but God closed doors because he's got my back like that. thus, as far as the quest for better employment goes, i'm back to looking for a dream job i love that is better than roth's. before i was desperate, just trying to find anything to get out of roth's. not anymore. now i'm trying (and this is super hard) to enjoy and be fully present at roth's for the rest of my time there (however long that may be). i realized that i was probably missing out on opportunities to love the people i work with because i was so obsessed with how much i hated it there. i need and will continue to need tons of help from above to have a better attitude and to be patient for all the amazing things i want for my future. i often forget that there is a right now that i don't want to miss out on.

this guy at my work that i didn't really know died in a car accident this last weekend. i know this kind of a statment of the obvious, but everytime i hear about somebody i kind of knew dying, i always cant believe that they are actually dead, that dead means "that's it" and i'm never going to see them on this earth again or maybe ever again. it just amazes me that one minute we can be totally healthy and alive, and the next dead and gone forever. today at work i was thinking about writing a will or something of that sort just in case i die before i'm old and writing wills is the norm. but i dont really want to, because i feel like if i do, then i'll die. writing a will seems like playing with fire to me, and even talking about it seems dangerous. how weird is death? how easy is it to end our lives? dont worry, i'm not trying to freak anyone out, i'm in a very healthy emotional state, i swear. these are just thoughts.

dang. i knew if i wrote that "death" paragraph nothing would seem appropriate following it. oh well. i wish i had so much more time and energy on my hands, because there are about a million things i want to do. for instance, i just picked up 4 books from the new section of the library that i would love to read from cover to cover, but know that in all likelihood, i will read none of them. right now i'm reading a book claire recommended, with a title slightly too embarrassing to mention, but it's pretty good and i want to finish it. ok, my lunch is over and i have to go back to work. tear. three hours left and then i'm done with chalk art for the week. heck yeah!

go after a life of love as if your life depended on it, because it does. pursue the gifts God has given you and most of all, try to communicate his truth. the message

the root of all evil

that's right...money. if it wasn't for money, i would have quit my job by now. if not for money, i surely wouldn't have almost crapped my pants when i saw my cell phone bill the other day. and if not for that evil green paper (i've always wished our currency was in beautiful bright colors like other countries), my life would be much less stressful. i'm getting very, very tired and frustrated by the fact that every month, every week, every day, every paycheck, i don't have enough money to pay all my bills, buy food, etc. i owe people money, i owe organizations money, i hate money!

ok, let's all join together and clap our hands to our cheeks in shock that i didn't give my two weeks notice yesterday. despite the big green star i drew on my calendar at work on yesterday's box, i was forced by circumstances beyond my control, mostly related to the evil above, to go through the whole day without quitting. and today will be the same. i am hoping soon and very soon this shall change, and i am trying to listen to what God might want me to do...i won't lie, these are hard times. but don't worry, this isn't a desperate cry for help or anything. it's a hopefully somewhat humorous and slightly depressing description of my life right now. c'est la vie. for now.

i'm ok!

i didn't mean for my last entry to be a desperate cry for help, but apparently that's how it came off. i got a few emails and comments telling me what a wonderful person i am and how much my friends love me. this was really nice and encouraging, but i'm just wondering how my last entry subtley communicated "liz is suicidal!" to everyone.

in the spirit of spring, i have chosen a brighter version of my last template for a change. for all you computer science nerds out there (read: brian and matt) i even messed around with the html to make all the fonts be verdana. go me! WEBPAGE! (picture me making a gang-sign while i say that). today is wednesday, and it's after 3pm, so that means the tolerable part of my week has finally begun. no more chalk til next monday. and i try not to think about that until next sunday. last sunday when that happened i almost went in the next day and quit, but my more sensible friends talked me out of it. my new goal (and i hesitate to share this, in the likely case that it isn't realized) is to give my two weeks notice in two weeks from this last monday. that means i have 1.5 weeks to find a job so i can quit in a sensible manner.

why don't you jump on him dressed like a bavarian fruitcake?!? ms. congeniality

this bowtie is strangling me!

i am a very BAD person. if you've seen office space, you'll know the exact way that line should be read aloud. ("micheal and samir, you are sentenced to ten years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. peter, you are a very BAD person." the gavel slams down.) it doesn't seem wise to go into all the reasons that i am a very bad person over the internet, but i can share one, since it has to do with roth's and this blog is a roth's employee free zone. on wednesday (the day the bad me took over...it's been one a day atleast since then) i was working doing chalk art and i had to pop down to the deli for about five seconds. while i was there, the asst. manager asked me to help a customer and i pretty much said no and got someone else to do it. YES, i realize this was a huge mistake. i dont know why i did this, why i didn't just help the freaking customer (i didn't want to?), but unfortunately that's what happened. the asst. manager talked to me and i said sorry, etc, and thought it was over. but NO! she had to open her huge trap to the store manager, who approached me yesterday right after i got to work in the morning (so as to ruin my entire day instead of just part of it) and said this: "i heard a disturbing thing about you refusing to help a customer. when you have a green bowtie on, i don't care what you're doing, what department you're in, you help the customer. if you ever do that again, i'll yank you out of the deli so fast...and that will suck for you because you'll lose your benefits and your pay will be cut. are we clear?" after saying "yes" he left the scene and i cried. what can i say, i don't enjoy being spoken to in that manner and it usually results in tears. i just realized that the encounter was a lot like when jennifer aniston argues with her boss about the pieces of flare in office space. "if you want me to wear 47 pieces of flare like your pretty boy, brian, over there, why don't you make the minimum 47 pieces of flare?" that stupid green bowtie is my flare and when i put it on i have to become someone i'm not, someone who's always happy, always smiling, and never makes mistakes. you know what i hate? when you put yourself out there and tell someone about your mistake, and they say, "yeah, that was a HUGE mistake!" someone said that to me today when i told them the story, and they've said that about other mistakes i've made, and it's just not very uplifting. of course i know it's a huge mistake! i already feel bad enough about it, i don't need you to rub it in my face. thank you. a month ago or so i was working and i had just had the stomach flu, so i guess i wasn't smiling. some DUMB customer witnessed this horror and wrote a comment card about me not smiling. this resulted in the deli manager taking me upstairs and "coaching me for improvement." yes, that's actually what the form i had to sign was called. i HATE roth's. it's like a high school, complete with referrals, cliques, bullies, and the one super cute, unattainable guy. oh, and everyone in authority treats you like you're 5. in short, hell.

in better news, i am finally getting my very own "liz hughes, fine artist" business cards printed and they'll be ready on monday. i am so excited! and God has been blessing me with a lot of freelance work lately...today i put a bid on a mural job for about $2000. i find out tomorrow if i get the job. and when i say "the job" i mean the highest paying job i've ever had. i've also got about three other freelance jobs in the works! very exciting. i have decided to stay in mcminnville over the summer (shocking, i know) because i got an amazing volunteer job at juliette's house, a child abuse treatment center here in town. i'll be working with the families and kids when they come in to file a report. so september is my new goal for perhaps going somewhere exciting, and i am thinking africa. i'd like to go for a few months to where denice is, working with orphans. we will see.

i want so badly to believe that there is truth, and love is real. and i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd. -- the postal service

crap, i made it all up!

to spice things up, i will be beginning this entry with a quote, and an apology for the lack of posting lately. my job search is taking up most of my internet time.

me: it's not that i think you dont have issues, it's that i think you aren't in touch with your issues.

brian: and i think you create all of your issues.

this little exchange that brian and i had last night not only shows how well brian and i know each other, but it also brings to light the very fact that i do create a lot of issues. but heck, if i didn't, what the H would i write about in this blog?

i created a new issue last night when i realized that if something tragic were to happen to me (say, a kidnapping) no one would realize for atleast a few days. this troubling thought was brought on when nicole went "missing" last night, and brian went on a thorough search until she was located. i realized, i need a boyfriend for safety reasons! only a boyfriend (or a roomate) would realize if i was missing the same day that i went missing. it would take my friends, my family, and my work atleast a few days to become concerned, by which point i would surely already be dead. how comforting!

i am getting so sick of seeing those freaking plastic wrist bands everywhere. you know, the ones that first showed up as bright yellow "live strong" bracelets? now they are available in every color imaginable and every one and their mom has one on. what is so annoying to me about mass trends? i don't deny that i enjoy embracing certain trends, especially when it comes to fashion, but i like to think i pick the ones that not everyone is doing. i resisted getting a nalgene bottle for the longest time for this very reason. at fox, you practically had to have one to be admitted. but once i realized the practical joys of having a nalgene, i, too, became a sheep. what can i say? i drink a lot of water, they're freaking convienent! what is the practical purpose of the bracelets, i ask? crap, i just realized that they usually benefit a charity. but i ask you this...do the majority of people where them because they benefit charity, or because they think they are COOL?

okay, enough. my life lately has become consumed by searching for my dream job. i've found some amazing jobs to apply for, and i'm wondering why the heck i didn't research amazing internships when i was in college. damn, i was lazy. i still am, but i am throwing myself into this job search. the possibilities are so amazing! by summer, i could be anywhere...seattle, san francisco, new york...mcminnville. and meanwhile, i got a raise at roth's! heck yes, now i can afford to buy food!

the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing: we know this in countless ways. blaise pascal

the new (improved?) me

lately i have been moving into what i like to think of as uncharted life territory. since i'm old and all grown up now (please catch my sarcasm) i am trying to be wise and actually put what wisdom i have gained thus far into practice. this is mostly manifesting itself in the ever-dangerous realm of love, attraction, and the opposite sex. having learned from experience (twice, i'm a slow learner) that rushing into relationships is a bad idea, i am attempting a new outlook on the guys in my life that i may see as potential future boyfriends/husbands/mates. (yes, i hope it comes in that order). i am trying to get to know them as friends, for a good, long while, before taking it to the next level. imagine, actually being pretty sure you should be with a person before you do it! to make things even more challenging, i am also attempting to not start a relationship physically. i have learned (yes, twice) that being physical with someone creates an emotional bond extremely quickly that becomes hard to break and makes you blind to logic and reality.

all of that said, i am not a logical person and i think i still believe in the beauty of romantic love. yes, i want to fall crazy in love with someone and have him love every crazy thing about me. yes, i want to make more mistakes and learn more lessons, because i don't think perfection is beautiful. and i know i cant apply formulas and theories to love. those are just some guidelines that i hope and pray to follow, to not give my heart away to quickly, both because i've been hurt before and also because i know it's what God wants for me. every day that becomes more clear as he helps me to be patient in ways i never thought i could be. he reminds me to have perspective and let him keep the situation every time i encounter one of those potential people. and, miracle of miracles, he helps to remember what i really truly want when i'm in the situation where i could screw it all up. even if i do screw all of it up tomorrow (which i fear i may now that i've come out and said all of this) what God has done in the last month in this most sensitive area of my life has been amazing.

this seems really insignificant tacked on to the end of all that, but i am feeling like a new person in other ways as well. i'm trying to cut dairy products and sweets out of my diet in an effort to be more healthy and have a complexion that i'm not ashamed to go out in public with. plus, it would be kind of crazy and nice to have everything running smoothly in the digestive department. that said, all i pretty much eat is dairy and sweets, so this is proving extremely challenging. extremely. did i mention extremely? and although this has nothing to do with dairy, today i saw shanna's hot brother and i was amazingly unaffected. usually it takes me like an hour to get over seeing him, so it made me wonder if i still had a pulse, but it was kind of nice, too.

hey, dont miss the other new post below this one! i actually wrote it first. wow, two posts in one day!

smacked by a flying dirt clod

as usual, i have jumped the gun. this time it was by saying that "i'm so happy" that summer is just around the bend. i must have written that about five seconds before my allergies kicked in and i remembered how global warming has permenantly ruined oregon's mild climate and turned it into a sweltering summer inferno! i think to myself, "i have to move." but there's really nowhere else i want to go at the moment that i imagine to have cooler summers. darn humans and their freaking cfc's!

the most traumatizing occurance possible has occured since my last post. it is the thing i dread the most in the world, the thing i will do almost anything instead of. and early last tuesday morning, at approximately 4:20 am, it happened. i threw up. i was all alone and i vomited and there was nothing i could do to stop it. it happened again at 6 am, after which i drove myself to roth's in a rather weakened and traumatized state to buy pepto bismol, mint tea, and breath mints. the breath mints were in case the first two things didn't stop me from puking again. then i fervently prayed to God that he wouldn't let me throw up again. after many hours of laying very still and kind of sleeping, he answered and i knew i was out of the woods. however, i was severely weakened by the encounter with the dreaded vomit and i slept for the better part of the next two days.

on friday, it was back to work and back to good ol' caffe amico (that's the name of the coffee bar at roth's -- a name i detest not only because it sounds stupid but because they insist on spelling "caffe" with two f's) to see if i could make it through an 8 hour day. i did. and while i was working i noticed that every friday a transformation comes over me as i work in the deli. i get more and more angry and bitter and stressed out. i'm not sure exactly why, i just know i don't think i like the person i become (at least mentally). i mean, i have my happy moments, chattin' it up with friendly customers, gazing at the old couples having their daily coffee...but other times i just get really, really pissed off. this friday i was sweeping up these frigin dirt clods that big boot wearing dudes are always tracking in, and semi-shouting at the deli manager, cheryl, saying "i hate how people are always tracking in these stupid dirt clods! i mean, is it too much to ask to get rid of your dirt clods before you come in the store?" and bam! it hit me. i have to get out of here before it is too late. no one should ever, ever, be this worked up about dirt clods.

it's going to be a cheeseless summer

it's been too long since i made a list on this lovely blog, so i prepared one just for the occasion. i made two lists, the icky one first so that i end on a happy note.

activities that sometimes depress/annoy me

1. grocery shopping alone at winco (for some reason i've found bagging and carrying my own groceries to be the ultimate reminder of loneliness)
2. being called "old" by the tiny tots at work
3. working on mondays
4. having six of my favorite friends in, respectively: africa, arizona, boston, paris, seattle and sweden
5. discovering unwanted info about ex's
6. sitting next to yaking high schoolers at the library (hey! i'm doing that right now! yipee!)
7. being nitpicked by my boss about the already suffocating dress code at work (no hooded sweatshirts! no red shoes! you know, the nazis had pieces of flare that they made the jews wear!)
8. finding a great doctor (no, that's not the depressing part) who tells me i should never eat cheese or drink milk again. NONE. EVER. that's like asking me to sell my soul!

activities that almost always brighten my mood

1. making new friends
2. great conversations
3. dancing with my art supplies (my yard stick guitar is especially nice) to "pump up the jam" and other 80's hits on the clock at work (one of the perks of having my own office)
4. 6 words: billie jean is not my lover!
5. amazing, cheap finds at the thrift store (okay, any store) yesterday it was a $20 striped retro couch!
6. living next to a thrift store
7. getting sense talked into me by my mom
8. the feeling that summer is just around the bend (it's been 70 degrees the last two days and i am wearing cropped pants and new flip flops!)
9. listening to jars of clay and admiring dan hasteltine's songwriting

sometimes i get tired of walking through these ordinary days...i dont know how, i dont know why, but your love can make these things better... dan hasteltine