things i'm looking forward to:
1. brian and nicole's wedding in july...i'm going to be a bridesmaid and go home for a whole week!
2. my mommy visiting me next month
3. using my brand-new combo bus/subway pass tomorrow and no longer making sure my wallet is stocked with $1 bills
4. getting my massive tax refund
5. getting a mac laptop with my very own wireless!
6. SUMMER
7. holding "my" new baby boys
8. my next crush
9. starting grad school
10. a birthday package from my mom in the mail
11. being debt-free
12. following a budget
13. my next pair of new shoes
14. buying and wearing red tights
15. not being cold
16. feeling settled
17. finding out if i need glasses
18. brian's mp3 player coming in the mail
19. having a baby
20. seeing season 2 of lost
1.31.2006
1.29.2006
alone, alive
last week i lost a couple of things that were important to me.
tuesday: car
thursday: boyfriend
so i guess you could say i had a hard week. there's nothing quite like living in a city for four months and then suddenly feeling like you just moved there all over again. i mean, that's not entirely true, i have friends and a great job and all that jazz, but there was a moment last week where i felt more alone than i have ever felt in my entire life. yeah, that was a crappy moment.
from the night it happened, under the wrenching pain of a broken heart, i saw it for what it really was: a much-needed chance to start over, to get back on the right path, to finally put an end to the shenannagins. i felt God saying to me, "there you go. i made the decision for you, solved your problem, and now you can get on with your life." and for the first time in a few years, i actually WANTED to. i wanted to stop pushing the boundaries of what God wants for me, and ultimately, what i want for myself. i've tried out the other way, and i've found it lacking.
the problem i am now facing is a little thing called the interim. this all sounded fine and good last week, when the emotions were fresh and my resolve was strong. but now i'm lonely and depressed. i guess i'm going through the grief cycles or some crap. i find myself thinking very angry thoughts while walking down the street...angry thoughts mostly aimed at the exBF and random couples passing me. so, my worry is i won't stay strong in the time until "the right one" comes along, which my cynical mood of late causes me to ask "is there really such a thing?"
when matt and i first started dating, he made me a mix CD. little did he know at the time that one of the songs on it would become the soundtrack to our breakup, at least in my mind. it was stuck in my head for a week after thursday, and i found myself marveling at how perfectly it described the situation and begging it to go away.
summer time and the wind is blowing...and i don't know what i'm doing in this city...and that's when i knew, that i could never have you...i knew that before you did...now i'm the one who's stupid...i hope you take a piece of me with you...and there's things i'd like to do that you don't believe in...and this will be the last time we'll be friends again...i'll get over you and you'll wonder who i am...and there is this burning like there's always been...i've never been so alone and i've never been so alive
third eye blind, motorcycle drive by
tuesday: car
thursday: boyfriend
so i guess you could say i had a hard week. there's nothing quite like living in a city for four months and then suddenly feeling like you just moved there all over again. i mean, that's not entirely true, i have friends and a great job and all that jazz, but there was a moment last week where i felt more alone than i have ever felt in my entire life. yeah, that was a crappy moment.
from the night it happened, under the wrenching pain of a broken heart, i saw it for what it really was: a much-needed chance to start over, to get back on the right path, to finally put an end to the shenannagins. i felt God saying to me, "there you go. i made the decision for you, solved your problem, and now you can get on with your life." and for the first time in a few years, i actually WANTED to. i wanted to stop pushing the boundaries of what God wants for me, and ultimately, what i want for myself. i've tried out the other way, and i've found it lacking.
the problem i am now facing is a little thing called the interim. this all sounded fine and good last week, when the emotions were fresh and my resolve was strong. but now i'm lonely and depressed. i guess i'm going through the grief cycles or some crap. i find myself thinking very angry thoughts while walking down the street...angry thoughts mostly aimed at the exBF and random couples passing me. so, my worry is i won't stay strong in the time until "the right one" comes along, which my cynical mood of late causes me to ask "is there really such a thing?"
when matt and i first started dating, he made me a mix CD. little did he know at the time that one of the songs on it would become the soundtrack to our breakup, at least in my mind. it was stuck in my head for a week after thursday, and i found myself marveling at how perfectly it described the situation and begging it to go away.
summer time and the wind is blowing...and i don't know what i'm doing in this city...and that's when i knew, that i could never have you...i knew that before you did...now i'm the one who's stupid...i hope you take a piece of me with you...and there's things i'd like to do that you don't believe in...and this will be the last time we'll be friends again...i'll get over you and you'll wonder who i am...and there is this burning like there's always been...i've never been so alone and i've never been so alive
third eye blind, motorcycle drive by
1.02.2006
post-christmas carnage report
i am sitting in my car typing on my roomate's laptop, staring longingly at my front door, but unable to go inside. why? because someone left the gas stove on all night and now our apartment is full of gas. i have been wandering town, aimless and exhausted, for the last three hours. adding to my frustration is the fact that every business is closed in observance of new year's day, not allowing me to take care of the phone calls on my to do list. all i want to do is go inside and sleep, but i'm afraid i'll never wake up or wake up on fire. woe is me.
i am a magnet for insane people. that is the only explanation i can come up with to justify the crazy interactions i have been having with some of my fellow humans lately. a couple of weeks ago, i was brutally cussed out and verbally assaulted by a stranger on the streets of cambridge, because i walked ever-so slightly in front of her friend's stroller. i'm pretty sure i would have gotten my ass kicked had i been drawn in by her shouts of "turn around when i'm talking to you, bitch!" but luckily i maintained my composure and ignored her. then there were the girls in the back of the bus a few weeks back. i was already severely traumatized by having to wait outside in 20 degree weather for an hour for the bus, which was of course extremely crowded. i managed to find a seat next to a very outspoken girl in the back, next to all of her very outspoken friends. they sat across from me, pulling brand-new scandalous underwear and patterned socks out of thier shopping bags, ripping off the tags, and throwing them violently on the bus floor while muttering, "stupid bitch bus driver, i dont give a BEEP if i mess up your bus..." i stared in awe, trying to pretend like it was normal every day behavior, while the girl next to me annouced she missed her wife and slid her arm around the back of my seat. then they all started talking about some club they go to to bump and grind, and then the outspoken girl next to me blurts out one of, if not the, all time best stranger quotes i have ever heard: "everyone who goes into that club either comes out pregnant or a lesbian. and i came out both." holy crap, my brain screamed, as i tried my best to act nonchalant until i finally got my chance to bolt off the bus to safety.
this is just a sampling of the most extreme people i have encountered. there was also the classic "inconsiderate cell phone woman" on the bus who shouted for all to hear, "i told you! i get to keep my left ovary! they're taking out the right one!" and someday, if i have the energy, i will tell you about rita, the crazy woman who is trying to buy my car online. i thought autotrader.com was a pretty safe place, but it turns out by posting your car there, you are actually applying for a possibly illegal middleman position in international business. intrigued? confused? so am i.
on a lighter note, my life has been significantly enhanced by a magazine i found recently...FOUND magazine. people send in random letters, photos, and strange randomness that they find, and it is the most fascinating thing ever. i am hooked. since starting to read it, i have been keeping my eyes to the ground, and i have already found some interesting finds. the best were several crates of abandoned albums outside of one of cambridge's many record stores. i sat right down on the wet sidewalk and helped myself to the mountain of treasure, and realized for the hundredth time why i love this city.
and now, the moment you all have been waiting for...the post-christmas carnage report! it turns out the online wish list was a brillant idea, and i made quite a killing! as i said before, i got my label maker, my computer saavy (and just saavy in general) uncle got me the queen size blue blanket, i got sweaters, socks and underwear, of course, and my mommy got me a really warm, really long, really thick scarf. since that worked out so well, keep your eyes peeled for my grown up birthday list, coming soon to a blog near you.
www.foundmagazine.com go there! i guarantee you will be moved, inspired, and intrigued.
i am a magnet for insane people. that is the only explanation i can come up with to justify the crazy interactions i have been having with some of my fellow humans lately. a couple of weeks ago, i was brutally cussed out and verbally assaulted by a stranger on the streets of cambridge, because i walked ever-so slightly in front of her friend's stroller. i'm pretty sure i would have gotten my ass kicked had i been drawn in by her shouts of "turn around when i'm talking to you, bitch!" but luckily i maintained my composure and ignored her. then there were the girls in the back of the bus a few weeks back. i was already severely traumatized by having to wait outside in 20 degree weather for an hour for the bus, which was of course extremely crowded. i managed to find a seat next to a very outspoken girl in the back, next to all of her very outspoken friends. they sat across from me, pulling brand-new scandalous underwear and patterned socks out of thier shopping bags, ripping off the tags, and throwing them violently on the bus floor while muttering, "stupid bitch bus driver, i dont give a BEEP if i mess up your bus..." i stared in awe, trying to pretend like it was normal every day behavior, while the girl next to me annouced she missed her wife and slid her arm around the back of my seat. then they all started talking about some club they go to to bump and grind, and then the outspoken girl next to me blurts out one of, if not the, all time best stranger quotes i have ever heard: "everyone who goes into that club either comes out pregnant or a lesbian. and i came out both." holy crap, my brain screamed, as i tried my best to act nonchalant until i finally got my chance to bolt off the bus to safety.
this is just a sampling of the most extreme people i have encountered. there was also the classic "inconsiderate cell phone woman" on the bus who shouted for all to hear, "i told you! i get to keep my left ovary! they're taking out the right one!" and someday, if i have the energy, i will tell you about rita, the crazy woman who is trying to buy my car online. i thought autotrader.com was a pretty safe place, but it turns out by posting your car there, you are actually applying for a possibly illegal middleman position in international business. intrigued? confused? so am i.
on a lighter note, my life has been significantly enhanced by a magazine i found recently...FOUND magazine. people send in random letters, photos, and strange randomness that they find, and it is the most fascinating thing ever. i am hooked. since starting to read it, i have been keeping my eyes to the ground, and i have already found some interesting finds. the best were several crates of abandoned albums outside of one of cambridge's many record stores. i sat right down on the wet sidewalk and helped myself to the mountain of treasure, and realized for the hundredth time why i love this city.
and now, the moment you all have been waiting for...the post-christmas carnage report! it turns out the online wish list was a brillant idea, and i made quite a killing! as i said before, i got my label maker, my computer saavy (and just saavy in general) uncle got me the queen size blue blanket, i got sweaters, socks and underwear, of course, and my mommy got me a really warm, really long, really thick scarf. since that worked out so well, keep your eyes peeled for my grown up birthday list, coming soon to a blog near you.
www.foundmagazine.com go there! i guarantee you will be moved, inspired, and intrigued.
1.01.2006
the human body!
i got to spend four days at home for Christmas, and it was splendid. it was a bit crazy and stressful at first, but by the end i had thoroughly enjoyed myself. i got to see my mom, my dad, my brother jake, brian, nicole, shanna, david and geneva, matt, nicole and matea, kari, denice and her fam, my grama and wil. that was a lot of people to cram into four days, but it was worth it. here are some of the highlights...
quality time with my mommy! we ate her goodies, watched a lifetime movie, chatted it up, snuggled, and played with her kitten, zoey. she even got me my label maker!
daddy daughter bonding! my dad is so cute when he sees me after a long absence...he makes me food, chills my milk glass in the freezer, and takes me shopping at good ol' fred meyer for a christmas gift. while we were there, i kept seeing all these people that i used to work with 6-7 years ago (dang, that's hard to believe) and so i says to my dad, i says, "seeing all these people that i used to work with still working here makes me want to throw up." a little while later he looks at me and says, "liz...seeing all these people shopping here who have been shopping here forever makes me want to puke!" whenever i spend a significant chunk of time with my dad, it's impossible to ignore the me is see in him. it makes me smile.
expectations, expectations, expectations! i came up with a slogan for my trip home..."every one wants a piece of the liz pie!" i had lunch with my friend wil and he tells me beforehand "i rearranged my entire christmas schedule for this one lunch...so it better be good. bring your a-game." he was kidding, of course, but the quote represents how i felt at times...like i'd better be in a good mood because i only got to see some people once. but then i met up with my friend kari. we greeted each other, rejoiced, and then she said, "i'm really sorry, but i'm in a really bad mood." "I'M in a really bad mood!" i replied excitedly. and then we proceeded to have one of our usual brutally honest heart to hearts. and that's why i love kari.
and, of course, there was my precious geneva and matea. matea gave me a personal tour of their new house, making sure to show me the most important thing, her new sequined ballet outfit. she then put on her rainbow tights and matching ballet slippers with the outfit and showed me her dancing skills. cutest thing ever! geneva was so excited to see me that she was dancing and shaking her arms all around. shanna asked her to tell me what her favorite thing was and she looked right at me, eyes wide, face elated, and said, "the human body!" i was so surprised i couldn't help but laugh. "what's your favorite thing about the human body?" shanna then asked her. "bones!" she said. some people i have shared this with think it is creepy, but i think it's freaking adorable. my geneva, she's so smart.
so geneva and matea are both about three years old, and both of their moms are having baby boys next month! i am so excited that i screamed and jumped up and down in nicole's kitchen. i got to feel the baby moving around in her tummy, and it was so cool! i told everyone that i am planning a longer visit for the middle of next year, solely to hold the babies. anyone else who wants to see me can, but they will have to visit with me while i am holding the babies.
other nuggets (that one's for you, wil) worth mentioning are my ever-witty banter with brian (we're both still on our a-game), the fact that i can be quite bitchy when i'm in a bad mood, and, it turns out i can do suduko! i'm not an idiot after all!
quality time with my mommy! we ate her goodies, watched a lifetime movie, chatted it up, snuggled, and played with her kitten, zoey. she even got me my label maker!
daddy daughter bonding! my dad is so cute when he sees me after a long absence...he makes me food, chills my milk glass in the freezer, and takes me shopping at good ol' fred meyer for a christmas gift. while we were there, i kept seeing all these people that i used to work with 6-7 years ago (dang, that's hard to believe) and so i says to my dad, i says, "seeing all these people that i used to work with still working here makes me want to throw up." a little while later he looks at me and says, "liz...seeing all these people shopping here who have been shopping here forever makes me want to puke!" whenever i spend a significant chunk of time with my dad, it's impossible to ignore the me is see in him. it makes me smile.
expectations, expectations, expectations! i came up with a slogan for my trip home..."every one wants a piece of the liz pie!" i had lunch with my friend wil and he tells me beforehand "i rearranged my entire christmas schedule for this one lunch...so it better be good. bring your a-game." he was kidding, of course, but the quote represents how i felt at times...like i'd better be in a good mood because i only got to see some people once. but then i met up with my friend kari. we greeted each other, rejoiced, and then she said, "i'm really sorry, but i'm in a really bad mood." "I'M in a really bad mood!" i replied excitedly. and then we proceeded to have one of our usual brutally honest heart to hearts. and that's why i love kari.
and, of course, there was my precious geneva and matea. matea gave me a personal tour of their new house, making sure to show me the most important thing, her new sequined ballet outfit. she then put on her rainbow tights and matching ballet slippers with the outfit and showed me her dancing skills. cutest thing ever! geneva was so excited to see me that she was dancing and shaking her arms all around. shanna asked her to tell me what her favorite thing was and she looked right at me, eyes wide, face elated, and said, "the human body!" i was so surprised i couldn't help but laugh. "what's your favorite thing about the human body?" shanna then asked her. "bones!" she said. some people i have shared this with think it is creepy, but i think it's freaking adorable. my geneva, she's so smart.
so geneva and matea are both about three years old, and both of their moms are having baby boys next month! i am so excited that i screamed and jumped up and down in nicole's kitchen. i got to feel the baby moving around in her tummy, and it was so cool! i told everyone that i am planning a longer visit for the middle of next year, solely to hold the babies. anyone else who wants to see me can, but they will have to visit with me while i am holding the babies.
other nuggets (that one's for you, wil) worth mentioning are my ever-witty banter with brian (we're both still on our a-game), the fact that i can be quite bitchy when i'm in a bad mood, and, it turns out i can do suduko! i'm not an idiot after all!
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