flashback

i was cleaning my room at home this evening (and when i say home, i mean my real home home in oregon city, otherwise now known as my dad's house) and i came across an old journal entry that i found quite fascinating, so i decided to publish it here and spread the fun.

what does one do when she graduates college?

does she move into a creepy apartment for a month before she moves to new york? does she feel weird and unsettled for an undisclosed amount of time? does she wonder, in the same five minutes, why this lady has approximately 57 shades of pink nail polish and when she is going to meet her husband? apparently so. it is five days after graduation and life is strange. i am staying at an apartment that smells funny, isn't organized logically, and has too many ticking clocks. but i paid $200 to stay here and so i cant just leave. i am kind of nervous to meet my future husband...not as nervous as i am that i'll never meet him, or that i'll have to wait an insane amount of time to meet him, but still a little nervous. when will it be? where? do i know him already? i kinda hope not. what will he be like? will i mess it up? will he really think i am more beautiful than anyone else? must be less hard on myself -- open myself up to the possibility that someone could feel that way about me. i kinda can't wait, yet i value my freedom currently as well. when you stop and think about it, life is so freaky...always losing people, never knowing what the day holds, graduating and having your whole life change...so i try not to stop and think about it too much. it's weird being graduated and still being in newberg, hanging out with ogle and matt and nicole and such. it's like...a strange place of limbo...enjoying the company and security of my friends who are still here, but knowing in the back of my mind that very soon this too will change.

okay, back to the present now. some things are the same, some are different, and that, methinks, is just as it should be.

rite of passage

today the most exciting thing ever happened! i was approved for my very own, first, completety adorable apartment! i'm moving in on december 1st and i'm so excited. it's in mcminnville, super close to my work and 3rd street, which is one of my favorite places in oregon, and it's in a completely remodeled old building that is so awesome. it looks like it was just dropped in the middle of this tiny ghetto pocket in mcminnville, right next to the st. vincent de paul thrift store. i think it must of been pretty crappy itself, but now it is beautiful and the apartment on the top left is all MINE! i'm so happy because i really do love downtown mcminnville, it's like a little piece of portland that's easier to chew, and i can walk along the rainy sidewalks in my beautiful new pink butterfly covered plastic rainhat and just have my own life. i figure my first solo apartment not on a college campus must be a pretty important step in a girl's life...and it's been my goal for a long time now, so God is good and faithful and one of my crazy ideas for my current life has actually become reality. i apoligize for all the run-ons, i'm only really have paying attention to writing, a fourth to geneva, and a fourth to the t.v. yes, i am that smart.

the 16 things i'm sick of

it's amazing how my language degrades with my mood. i was in a bad one today, and let's just say, i'm glad i work by myself so no one heard the foul words my mouth was uttering. in the spirit of bad moods and bad days, i have written a list entitled (you guessed it!)...

the 16 things i'm sick of

1. breaking out like i'm still in puberty
2. not having medical insurance
3. feeling like my worth is measured by whether or not i have a boyfriend
4. having the world's worst digestive system
5. shitty CD player at work
6. work
7. power point worship
8. going to sleep alone
9. waiting for the apartment peops to call
10. ugg boots
11. having bangs
12. always being tardy
13. college football and so yellow, green, orange, and black
14. wearing black and white
15. every cd i own
16. worrying

there you have it. in an attempt to improve my mood at work, i wrote that on the company dollar. it didnt work. and in case you now think i'm a horrible person, it took like 2 minutes. whoopty doo, big deal! i'm in a better mood tonight, although i'm a little annoyed that i'm just chillin at the house AGAIN. but i'm sewing a sign and being productive, so i guess it's ok. i just get so darn restless, everywhere i go. i need constant stimulation, people! give it to me! here i am, entertain me! love me! is that really too much to ask?

so i guess i'll be the coward that never woke you up...but i'd rather have you blame me than blame it on your love... low millions

talk about shoddy!

the dollar store is a great invention, but there are some things that just shouldn't be bought there...or sold there...for example, pregnancy tests! my friend denice and i were at the new newberg dollar tree, stocking up on movie candy, when what should we notice by the checkout? pregnancy tests! and hanging in that last-minute, oops, you know you need this! section. seriously, is somebody going to be standing in line when, all of sudden, bam! "oh hey, i DO need a pregnancy test and wow! only a dollar!" and then..."well, honey, i THINK i'm pregnant...i cant really be sure, i got the test at dollar tree..." yeah. not so much.

tonight was one of those good nights. after work i went for a run, took a shower, hung with the dixon's, and gave myself a manicure/pedicure with my new dollar tree manicure kit. (seriously). and all before 8 pm! then brian came and picked me up and we went to good old cancun for mexican. ahh, the fun and great talks i've had with ogle at cancun, sipping a margarita and setting my tongue on fire with their firey hot salsa. it's an amazing thing to have such a great guy friend who doesn't neglect you when he has a girlfriend. yes, i feel quite blessed. in a daring move, i wore my pajamas to cancun, despite warnings from shanna and david that surely the one person i dont want to see me in my pajamas will be there. turns out, we were the only people there, except for two frightening trucker-like dudes who left right when we got there. i knew right away that i didnt care if they saw me in my pjs, and that was heartedly confirmed when one of them revealed approximately 4 inches of buttcrack while he was paying his bill right by our table. pjs in public = okay. buttcracks in public = unexceptable! especially not in an eating establishment, for crying out loud!

i am firey hot with anger! mugatu

halibut tacos

everyday i drive home from work i have to pass through dundee, a sweaty pore of oregon. (if salem is the armpit, dundee is a sweaty pore). the traffic is always awful, but not until you pass the storage place that signals the start of the pore. the storage place, in the grand tradition of all mini-storage facilities always has a trying-to-be-clever-and-witty message on their readerboard. right now it's "room to store and a whole lot more." really? what the hell else can you really do there besides store? anyhow, deep within the pore is this restaurant called calamity janes, and i have memorized their specials for mon, tue, and wed (the days i work). monday: herb baked chicken, tuesday: halibut tacos, wednesday: bbq ribs. the next landmark i pass is the infamous (well, if you went to george fox) lumpy's landing, "your bodacious bar and grill." i have to give them credit for possibly being the only bar in oregon to have the word "bodacious" on their sign, or at the most one of five. lumpy's was the place for all the rebellious kids to go on thursday nights for karoake. it's pretty much just a rectangle of concrete with walls, and i forgot to mention that the sign has this dude on it with a parachute strapped to his back, whom i can only assume is lumpy. i know the crawl of dundee is over when i pass the actually clever readerboard of dundee pizza company..."all you need is love and pizza...get both here." too bad they changed it because i was planning on going in and cashing in on that love offer.

just for kari

this entry is a shout out to my friend kari, who i recently discovered is a faithful life of liz blog reader! i love you, kari, and i wish you werent in paris! (that rhymes if you pronouce it the french way, kari and paris i mean). i mean, i am so glad you are having an awesome time, and loving it, but i miss you. keep having amazing adventures and learning languages and wandering parisian streets and all that wonderful stuff. and if something crappy happens, just remember...c'est la vie!

so, after a few weeks of feeling rather down in the dumps, God sent a couple good cheer-me-ups my way yesterday, for which i was exceedingly grateful. first, the infamous guiness guy returned to my place of employment yesterday, and this time, i actually talked to him! i went out of my way to make sure i talked to him, i wasn't letting the opportunity pass me twice. and we had a quite a lovely conversation as i sipped free beer and tried not to gag. i walked out of roth's with a perma-grin the size of texas, causing an entering customer to smile. then, the wonderful evening continued with a trip to the george fox theatre, my former place of employment, where i saw a ton of my old theatre peops who were excited to see me, which was awesome. i want to help with the next show, i miss it so much. i saw my wonderful friend marcie, and my friend mike who gives the best hugs ever, and i left happier than i've been in weeks. it was an oddly familiar happiness, as i was feeling it walking out of woodmar, down the back stairs, and into the winter cold like i did so many late nights in college.

"experience is the name we give to our mistakes." oscar wilde

all by myself...dont want to be...

i'm sitting here in the mcminnville library, making use of their free internet. unfortunately, this means i have to use the internet surrounded by a smorgasboard of people from mcminnville, most of which have nothing better to do than print science fiction stories off the internet and blatantly ignore the unspoken rule that you aren't supposed to talk in the library, especially to yourself. if you happen to be glancing at my screen, rude girl, yes, i am talking about you! when surrounded by losers, one can only conclude that oneself is also a loser. ouch.

i am on my lunch break. i have no friends to eat lunch with. this is the conundrum i am faced with everyday i work at roth's. liz, you most socialize with somebody or you'll go crazy...so dont eat lunch by yourself, but who to eat with? HEY GIRL! CAN YOU SHUT UP???? i am so close to telling her to, but she seems kind of unstable, so my fear is winning out. my job is great...the activity of it, the fact that i get to draw all day...but the working by myself thing is killing me slowly and painfully. i have to admit that i am at a low right now...super lonely, friends supply running low, and worrying all the time about stupid things that i dont even need to worry about right now, or ever for that matter. it all comes down to this one question.... will i always be alone? i want so badly to want God more than anything or anyone else, and to put him first while i patiently wait for him to send man-o-my-dreams my way, and continue to put him first after he shows up...but it is so hard, especially when i spend most of my time alone or with a 2 year old. ew, ew, ew! all i want is to stop stressing myself out. and to say to that girl "erego, open your yapper one more time..."

what chaps my hide

local cross country runners

you're innocently driving through newberg when, all of a sudden, you and your car are practically accosted by a herd of mostly naked young men, jogging by like the road is their own personal track. they are almost always sickly pale and that nasty muscley-skinny that all runners seem to be, and seem to think that we all love to partake in viewing their white, lanky bodies, covered only in underwear, er, running shorts.

awkward questions you're dying to know the answer to

why cant it be socially acceptable to just ask our burning questions out of the blue? for example, 'how old are you?' 'do you have a girlfriend?' and 'how'd you get that lazy eye?' why do we have to twist our brains in a knot trying to find a subtle way to work it into conversation? 'hey...my friend sarah and i went to the movies the other day...speaking of friends that are girls, do you have a girlfriend?' yeah. real smooth.

huge families with balloons in shoe stores

you're attempting to navigate through the 8 1/2 aisle of your local payless shoe source, when the worlds biggest family of the world's loudest and most obnoxious children meanders into the store. 'please dont come into my aisle...' you silently plead, but sure enough, the heard is moving your way. to make matters worse, the 85 children have acquired balloons somewhere else in the mall, and soon your pleasant shoe browsing experience is interuppted by a cloud of colored latex and too many bodies. you shoot the parents a few 'i'm trying to look at shoes here, can you control your children or maybe just get the beep out of the store' looks, but you go completely unnoticed, and soon have no choice but to slump out of the store in defeat.

disclaimer: the pet peeves listed here are based on a somewhat exaggerated version of reality. any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is entirely coincidental.