post-christmas carnage report

i am sitting in my car typing on my roomate's laptop, staring longingly at my front door, but unable to go inside. why? because someone left the gas stove on all night and now our apartment is full of gas. i have been wandering town, aimless and exhausted, for the last three hours. adding to my frustration is the fact that every business is closed in observance of new year's day, not allowing me to take care of the phone calls on my to do list. all i want to do is go inside and sleep, but i'm afraid i'll never wake up or wake up on fire. woe is me.

i am a magnet for insane people. that is the only explanation i can come up with to justify the crazy interactions i have been having with some of my fellow humans lately. a couple of weeks ago, i was brutally cussed out and verbally assaulted by a stranger on the streets of cambridge, because i walked ever-so slightly in front of her friend's stroller. i'm pretty sure i would have gotten my ass kicked had i been drawn in by her shouts of "turn around when i'm talking to you, bitch!" but luckily i maintained my composure and ignored her. then there were the girls in the back of the bus a few weeks back. i was already severely traumatized by having to wait outside in 20 degree weather for an hour for the bus, which was of course extremely crowded. i managed to find a seat next to a very outspoken girl in the back, next to all of her very outspoken friends. they sat across from me, pulling brand-new scandalous underwear and patterned socks out of thier shopping bags, ripping off the tags, and throwing them violently on the bus floor while muttering, "stupid bitch bus driver, i dont give a BEEP if i mess up your bus..." i stared in awe, trying to pretend like it was normal every day behavior, while the girl next to me annouced she missed her wife and slid her arm around the back of my seat. then they all started talking about some club they go to to bump and grind, and then the outspoken girl next to me blurts out one of, if not the, all time best stranger quotes i have ever heard: "everyone who goes into that club either comes out pregnant or a lesbian. and i came out both." holy crap, my brain screamed, as i tried my best to act nonchalant until i finally got my chance to bolt off the bus to safety.

this is just a sampling of the most extreme people i have encountered. there was also the classic "inconsiderate cell phone woman" on the bus who shouted for all to hear, "i told you! i get to keep my left ovary! they're taking out the right one!" and someday, if i have the energy, i will tell you about rita, the crazy woman who is trying to buy my car online. i thought autotrader.com was a pretty safe place, but it turns out by posting your car there, you are actually applying for a possibly illegal middleman position in international business. intrigued? confused? so am i.

on a lighter note, my life has been significantly enhanced by a magazine i found recently...FOUND magazine. people send in random letters, photos, and strange randomness that they find, and it is the most fascinating thing ever. i am hooked. since starting to read it, i have been keeping my eyes to the ground, and i have already found some interesting finds. the best were several crates of abandoned albums outside of one of cambridge's many record stores. i sat right down on the wet sidewalk and helped myself to the mountain of treasure, and realized for the hundredth time why i love this city.

and now, the moment you all have been waiting for...the post-christmas carnage report! it turns out the online wish list was a brillant idea, and i made quite a killing! as i said before, i got my label maker, my computer saavy (and just saavy in general) uncle got me the queen size blue blanket, i got sweaters, socks and underwear, of course, and my mommy got me a really warm, really long, really thick scarf. since that worked out so well, keep your eyes peeled for my grown up birthday list, coming soon to a blog near you.

www.foundmagazine.com go there! i guarantee you will be moved, inspired, and intrigued.