talking in cars with boys

after work a couple of weeks ago, i noticed that mojo music was closing, and offering 50% off its merchandise. a record collector's paradise? i think yes. i couldn't help going in and embracing the familiar comfort of sifting through the musty bins of albums, searching for treasures. my favorite find? a metallic silver blue edition of carly simon's anticipation. above both of the doors in my room i have a revolving display of my favorite album covers, and i carefully selected new displays that day, thinking of my feelings lately and making sure to leave a place for carly. my front door is my "i cant wait for spring and summer and happiness" door, and it features the beach boys' endless summer, the beach boys' california girls, and frank sinatra's come fly with me. in july, i'm flying home with frank to oregon and i can't wait. then there's my closet door, representing my more brooding and current state. first comes james taylor's sweet baby james, posters of which surely graced girls' bedrooms in the 70s because he was hot hot hot. on the other side is carole king's tapestry, a classic that i recently decided one can never have enough copies of (i have three). then, in the middle, is my theme, my thesis, my carly. the day i put it up i wrote this in my journal...

"...i am carly. and you should see her on this album: bold, gorgeous, STRONG, open, vulnerable. she is saying, 'i've been through shit but i still want love. i'm waiting, i'm ready, bring it.' her body, her face, her stance and pose scream ANTICIPATION. ANTICIPATION. beautiful, wonderful, scary, lonely, brave, trusting, anticipation. what is coming next?"

lately i keep finding myself in my driveway or on my street, sitting in the warm car of whomever has been nice enough to drive me home, just talking. they don't turn off the engine, but they don't seem in a hurry. even if it's late late late, we keep talking and laughing and hashing out the insides of our hearts. or we just sit and listen to the music that's too good to get out of the car to. these times with my three guy friends have been lovely unexpected treasures at the end of busy, ordinary days, and they remind me of this feeling i have lately, the feeling that something is just around the bend, something amazing.

is there anything better than to be longing for something when you know it is within reach? greta garbo