sizzling ants

lately too many big questions have been running through my head. it all started on friday night when brian told me i need to find a better job, i can find something better, etc, etc. then on saturday shanna told me she won't need me to watch geneva anymore in a couple of weeks. hell no am i working in the deli two days a week at roth's! no way, no thank you. so i need to start looking for a new job, and it is a great time to do so since i have a job. i just realized that i gave my blog address to my supervisor...but i doubt he'll ever go to it. but just in case...wil, if you are reading this, dont freak out! i'm not quitting anytime soon...i don't think...but i know you dont expect me to stay at roth's forever...right?

the other big question is the ever-present and ever more annoying one: 'will i always be alone?' sometimes it seems like God is the up there with the big magnifying glass frying ants. but most of the time i know he's taking care of me, i know he knows what's best, i know he has a purpose for this time in my life. i just hate wanting someone so much. and i hate how it seems like the world thinks it's pathetic to want a relationship. or maybe that's just what i think. i mean, what's wrong with being honest about what you want? what's wrong with really, really wanting something? i dont know. i just know that i have to be careful how much i think, or i'll go crazy.