head-on collision

riding in the passenger seat
grey blur of road, blueness of sky
complacent

sudden flash of red
BAM!
no time
brief blackness
deflating airbags
pain and shock
spidered, broken glass

sluggish and slow
call 911!
try to get out
my door wont open enough
am i okay?

stranger helps me out
pain in my leg
pain in my neck
pain in my face
lips burning
stranger helps me to the grass

car on fire
why aren't they putting it out?
stranger pulls me up
by my armpits
get away from the car!
i don't want my purse to burn up.
danielle gazes past me, in shock.

sirens, voices
the sound of my own crying
neck brace strapped around me
emt propping me up
aching back
you need to calm down.
sobbing, choking
i want my family.
you need to try and calm down.

laid flat on my back
pant leg chopped open with scissors
does this hurt?
does this hurt?
strapped to a back board
dont move your neck.
blue tape stretched over my forehead
over my chin.
i couldn't move if i wanted to

waiting, tears streaming
pale blue sky and evergreen branches
voices of people i cannot see
boughs blowing in the soft wind

lifted up, put in ambulance
my name is pat.
are you having trouble breathing?
questions, questions, questions
i crack some jokes, because i'm scared
danielle still beside me
bumpy ride
searing pain in my head
ambulance roof, white metal
gray strip of cushion
running down the middle

south shore hospital
please take off this blue tape.
it hurts so bad.
more questions
more strangers
i want my mommy.
shadow of a moth
trapped in the ceiling light
something to focus on
put her in room 32.
we'll take it off as soon as we can.
i cant stand the pain

left alone in room 32
on a back board, on a gurney
no one comes
the pain and pressure build
white lights, blinding
blurry television, bob saget
checkerboard ceiling panels
blurred through my tears

clawing at the blue tape
i manage to loosen it
rebellious, i grope for my cell
call tim, the only friend i have
in my new home
leave frightened message
finally nurse comes

tape removed
sweet freedom
my new bed is like clouds
compared to the rock hard backboard
dr. murphy
he's hot
he pokes me everywhere
sometimes it hurts

hours alone, flat on my back
calming down
x-rays, left alone in hallways
waiting for transport
God, Jesus, what are you trying to tell me?
nothing? anything?

all i know right now is
i am still alive