one year

sometimes i'm listening to songs and i love the lyrics, even though they don't describe my life right now. perhaps they describe something i've experienced in the past, and i'm amazed at how well the words of someone else capture my former feelings. ben harper does that for me pretty often.

yes indeed, i'm alone again
and here comes the emptiness crashing in
it's either love or hate
i can't find in between
'cause i've been with witches
and i've been with a queen

it wouldn't have worked out anyway
so now it's just another lonely day
further along we just may
but for now it's just another lonely day

i spent the last three days moving, and most of that pretending that i need a lot less help to move than i actually do. lots of times i think i can do things by myself that i really can't. luckily i have friends who know this, and they were there for me. so now all of my stuff is in my lovely new apartment, and i am beginning my second year in boston! unbelievable. i still feel new. like many other times in my life, this year seems to have flown by, but when i look back at individual months and days, some of them seemed so long and painful. those another lonely days. the last few months have been pretty splendid, and they passed too fast.

i am surrounded by a huge mess of my belongings. i have two papers due tomorrow that need significant work, and a small group to lead tomorrow night. and all i want to do is lay around on my bed and hang out with dan. i'd also like to have a couch, so that i could lay around in the living room, but i suppose that will come soon enough. maybe we can build one out of all of our empty boxes. we certainly have plenty of those. i'd also like a little money so i could go to see a movie and the independent movie theater that is steps from my house. yes, i love my new neighborhood. i am also a five minute walk from my favorite vintage clothing store, and a five minute bike ride to my work! no more bus for me! but i will always look back on the bus fondly, the long lonely days i spent riding it, and the rare beautiful moments connecting with strangers who became friends. yes, 71, you were good to me.

in the course of twenty crowded years
one parts with many illusions.
i did not wish to lose the early ones.
some memories are realities,
and are better than anything
that can ever happen to one again.

willa cather