the new (improved?) me

lately i have been moving into what i like to think of as uncharted life territory. since i'm old and all grown up now (please catch my sarcasm) i am trying to be wise and actually put what wisdom i have gained thus far into practice. this is mostly manifesting itself in the ever-dangerous realm of love, attraction, and the opposite sex. having learned from experience (twice, i'm a slow learner) that rushing into relationships is a bad idea, i am attempting a new outlook on the guys in my life that i may see as potential future boyfriends/husbands/mates. (yes, i hope it comes in that order). i am trying to get to know them as friends, for a good, long while, before taking it to the next level. imagine, actually being pretty sure you should be with a person before you do it! to make things even more challenging, i am also attempting to not start a relationship physically. i have learned (yes, twice) that being physical with someone creates an emotional bond extremely quickly that becomes hard to break and makes you blind to logic and reality.

all of that said, i am not a logical person and i think i still believe in the beauty of romantic love. yes, i want to fall crazy in love with someone and have him love every crazy thing about me. yes, i want to make more mistakes and learn more lessons, because i don't think perfection is beautiful. and i know i cant apply formulas and theories to love. those are just some guidelines that i hope and pray to follow, to not give my heart away to quickly, both because i've been hurt before and also because i know it's what God wants for me. every day that becomes more clear as he helps me to be patient in ways i never thought i could be. he reminds me to have perspective and let him keep the situation every time i encounter one of those potential people. and, miracle of miracles, he helps to remember what i really truly want when i'm in the situation where i could screw it all up. even if i do screw all of it up tomorrow (which i fear i may now that i've come out and said all of this) what God has done in the last month in this most sensitive area of my life has been amazing.

this seems really insignificant tacked on to the end of all that, but i am feeling like a new person in other ways as well. i'm trying to cut dairy products and sweets out of my diet in an effort to be more healthy and have a complexion that i'm not ashamed to go out in public with. plus, it would be kind of crazy and nice to have everything running smoothly in the digestive department. that said, all i pretty much eat is dairy and sweets, so this is proving extremely challenging. extremely. did i mention extremely? and although this has nothing to do with dairy, today i saw shanna's hot brother and i was amazingly unaffected. usually it takes me like an hour to get over seeing him, so it made me wonder if i still had a pulse, but it was kind of nice, too.

hey, dont miss the other new post below this one! i actually wrote it first. wow, two posts in one day!