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lately i have been thinking about love/hate relationships, and the things i do that i really don't want to do/the things i don't do that i really want to do. i get these ideas in my head for collages, beautiful, inspiring collages, but i don't sit down and make them. instead i take long naps. i sleep in, and i find excuses. i want to sing in a band, to write songs about all the ways my heart is wrenched every day, but i don't. i think i'm not good enough, my words not original enough. and then there are the mistakes i make, the ones i know i should stop making, the behaviors i ultimately hate, but that part of me loves. life is full of so much contradiction, and so little balance.

i am officially a stylish city dweller as of last tuesday. i got an ipod. i remember when ipods were just out of my reach, and it was one of those things i wanted but never thought i'd really be able to get. thanks to the wonder of credit cards, that dream is now a reality. the best thing about my lovely white ipod (which perfectly matches my lovely white ibook) is that i bought a rainbow of little ipod crew socks to go with it. yes, i know, there are a lot of "i"s in this paragraph, a lot of "i"s in my heart, but i have a whole rationale about my new apple electronics that i will spare you, just know that it puts me at peace and doesn't make me feel so i-centered.

tonight i was riding the bus through cambridge, listening to matt nathanson on my ipod, which was wearing the lime green crew sock today, and it hit me. i can't freaking believe i live here. cambridge is the most amazing, surprising, eclectic, artistic city, and it is my city. i broke into a huge, ridiculous grin right there on the bus at 12:30 am and i asked God to help me remember what a gift it is to live here. almost four years ago, i visited boston to see my friend jen, and we took the t to cambridge, over a then unfamiliar bridge, to visit harvard. i was captivated by this town. it seemed like the kind of place i would love to live, but never would, a dream just out of my reach. as it turns out, sometimes the things we long for actually come true.

show me how pretty the world is...

tell me does the world revolve the same?
tell me do the people all take care of you
did you doubt the curve of the earth?

i'm covered by lovers
who recite lines
convinced that their bodies
are gonna save mine
but you don't know me at all

show me where the sun comes through the sky
i'll show you where the rain gets in
and i'll show you hurricanes
and the way that summer fades
underneath the weight of it all

show me how pretty the whole world is tonight
matt nathanson

you can ask me what the numbers mean, but i can't promise i'll tell you.