a new kind of christmas

here i sit at my parents' archaic computer on christmas eve pondering the strangest christmas i have known so far in my fairly short life. the last 21 christmases have included such things as elaborate lighting displays by my dad to stun the neighbors, a tree bursting with gifts despite annual warnings that "we dont have much money this year", traditions like opening one present on christmas eve, cinnamon rolls in the morning, and stockings hung by the mantle with care. you get it, the whole american christmas shebang. and i loved it. the older i got, the more i questioned the merit of it all, but i still enjoyed the traditions and the time with my family. and let's be honest...who doesn't love getting presents?

this year is completely different. as a result of my parent's divorce, the home i grew up in and am tonight spending the night in is almost completely devoid of any signs of christmas. no decorations, no tree, no lights, no stockings. the thing is, i dont feel that sad about it...or perhaps to put it more accurately, i dont feel any less loved. i know my parents feelings towards me have not changed at all. this is a good feeling. tomorrow i will experience the most dysfunctional christmas i have ever known, but that is ok. i dont feel sorry for myself...i'm just observing my surroundings. i have joined the ranks of the many split families that celebrate christmas each year, and i just feel like i'm starting a new phase in my life. i feel like christmas is such a children's holiday anyhow, so i'm thankful that my childhood christmases were so great.

my mom and i celebrated christmas eve this year the way it should be celebrated...by going shopping for ourselves! ok, my mom funded the expedition, because i am completely penniless, but it was fun nonetheless. ok, i am falling asleep. it's time to go curl up on the loveseat with my true love...sleep. good night and happy holidays.