no more catfish in the sea

the life of liz presents

in association with barren wasteland studios

a grass is greener production

no more catfish in the sea: the top ten reasons i need to get the H out of mcminnville

10. three of the closest towns are named willamina, sheridan, and yamhill
9. the only radio stations that come in here are country
8. every town has a yearly festival -- mcminnville's is called turkey-rama
7. here, seeing a mullet is an everyday occurance
6. the 75% female population of linfield college easily domineers the 0.0025% quality male population, along with the percentage of half-way bearable guys
5. the store i work at sells CATFISH nuggets
4. people come here to raise families, not start families
3. the nearest large metropolis is one hour and ten minutes away
2. the phrase "slim pickin's" has become a regular part of my vocabulary

and the number one reason why i need to get the H out of mcminnville...

1. nearly every guy around here drives a loud car or a fast bike, which can only lead me to believe that they are compensating for something

i'm sorry you never wanted me, but that's how you made me want the gold medal the donnas