i'm sitting here in the mcminnville library, making use of their free internet. unfortunately, this means i have to use the internet surrounded by a smorgasboard of people from mcminnville, most of which have nothing better to do than print science fiction stories off the internet and blatantly ignore the unspoken rule that you aren't supposed to talk in the library, especially to yourself. if you happen to be glancing at my screen, rude girl, yes, i am talking about you! when surrounded by losers, one can only conclude that oneself is also a loser. ouch.
i am on my lunch break. i have no friends to eat lunch with. this is the conundrum i am faced with everyday i work at roth's. liz, you most socialize with somebody or you'll go crazy...so dont eat lunch by yourself, but who to eat with? HEY GIRL! CAN YOU SHUT UP???? i am so close to telling her to, but she seems kind of unstable, so my fear is winning out. my job is great...the activity of it, the fact that i get to draw all day...but the working by myself thing is killing me slowly and painfully. i have to admit that i am at a low right now...super lonely, friends supply running low, and worrying all the time about stupid things that i dont even need to worry about right now, or ever for that matter. it all comes down to this one question.... will i always be alone? i want so badly to want God more than anything or anyone else, and to put him first while i patiently wait for him to send man-o-my-dreams my way, and continue to put him first after he shows up...but it is so hard, especially when i spend most of my time alone or with a 2 year old. ew, ew, ew! all i want is to stop stressing myself out. and to say to that girl "erego, open your yapper one more time..."
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