my daddy is so nice. today he took me a temp agency and waited a grueling THREE HOURS for me to finish my business there, which included filling out about a million papers with my name and address, taking a typing/word/excel/10-key aptitude test, and even peeing in a cup. all i have to say is, i better damn well get a job out of this one. oh, and by the way, no, i am NOT going to nor have i ever filed a false workman's comp claim! so stop asking me!!!
tonight brian and possibly tim are coming over to watch kill bill vol. 2 and eat nachos. i am so excited. i havent been able to wait to see it since i watched the first one with brian while eating nachos. even if you hate bloody violence, you should see it because (and this is such an artsy thing to say) it is a beautiful film, completely riveting.
last night i was reading wild at heart and eldredge said, "ours was meant to be a desperately dependent existence." we're the branches, God is the trunk. right then and there i realized i wasn't depending on God nearly enough with this whole job search/can i afford to move to SF thing. i'm torn because part of me thinks i should be reckless and crazy and go move in to a place i dont even know and somehow get a job in sf and just go for it in less than a month...but another part of me thinks that's totally financially and logistically unrealistic. i mean, right now i just need money to get my car fixed. of course, i need a car to take me to the job to make the money...and thus, i label this situation with my current favorite word: conundrum. i guess my big question is...what does God want me to do? i learned over the course of college that God's will isnt like a tightrope (i heard that somewhere) and i fully believe that God will bless the path i choose, but i feel like he's got to have some ideal path in his mind, and i dont want to miss that.
"when we begin to offer not only our gifts but our true selves, that is when we become powerful." (another eldredge quote) i think that is so rad because over the last few years i feel like that is exactly what i've wanted my art to be: a union of talent and honesty. i think honesty is what people respond to the strongest, the idea that they are not alone in their crazy messed up feelings and lives. the truth is so beautiful...even if it is hard and dark. i think we find true meaning and beauty in the places we try the hardest to avoid...our weaknesses and shortfalls. as usual, dan haseltine says it best...
we were looking for redemption it was hidden in the landscape of loss and love and fire and rain i never would have come this way looking for redemption -dan haseltine
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"once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward; for there you have been, and there you long to return." leonardo da vinci
1 comment:
desparately dependent........that is so true of where i am right now...very dependent on how God will show his will in my life...i have taken the first huge step that i have been avoiding for so long...it felt really good at first and now..it feels hard and very real, but also i feel stronger than ever before...and i know in my gut that what i am doing is right...it is so hard though to completely trust when you see other people you love and care about so much being affected by the step i chose to take...but that is in God's control, isn't it???
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