i will sing

today was much better at the temp job than yesterday...this was mainly because the semi-mean supervisor lady wasn't working with us and some very nice temp ladies came in and i was able to talk as much as i want with them and the other dude. plus, we finished off clifford around 11 and then it was on to the passion of the christ. my joy was made complete by some guy changing the radio from 107.5 to 94.7, my favorite station. so, the eight hours i worked only seemed like 100 instead of 200. oh well...another 200 tomorrow and i'll be done.

close my eyes and hold my heart cover me and make me something change this something normal into something beautiful

all i can think about is how long i've been waiting to feel you move me

and i'm still fighting for the word to break these chains and i still pray when i look in your eyes you'd stare right back down into something beautiful

i'm listening to jars of clay right now...that song is called (shockingly enough) "something beautiful." again referring to wild at heart, it talks a lot in there about how what women truly desire is to unveil their beauty...to have someone think they are beautiful. and it is so true! somehow as we grow up we come to believe the lie that we aren't pretty and no one is ever coming to rescue us...no one will ever fight for us. i dont know how i came to believe that, but somehow i did. i'm glad i don't really believe that anymore, but i cant say it's not still a struggle. it makes me sad to think of when i believed that...and when i still do. eldredge says our coming to believe that is usually caused by our fathers not showing us that we were beautiful. i cant see how my dad did that...so i am left with curiousity and concern about how i came to think that was true.

you have led me to the sadness i have carried this pain on a back bruised, nearly broken
i'm crying out to you

i will sing of your mercy that leads me through vallies of sorrow to rivers of joy

when death like a gypsy comes to steal what i love i will still look to the heavens
i will still seek your face but i fear you aren't listening because there are no words
just the stillness and the hunger for a faith that assures

i will sing of your mercy that leads me through vallies of sorrow to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

while we wait for the rescue with our eyes tightly shut face to the ground, holding our hands
to cover the fatal cut though the pain is an ocean, tossing us around, around, around you have calmed greater waters higher mountains have come down

i will sing of your mercy that leads me through vallies of sorrow to rivers of joy

-- the valley song, jars of clay

i absolutely love that song, every word. it gives me hope when i feel hopeless, and that's pretty impressive. i bolded that non-chorus part because it is my favorite. God has seriously given those jars boys a gift, being able to put my feelings, intense crazy painful human feelings, into words. go God, go jars.

that song makes me think of singing...everything makes me think of singing lately. because all i want to do is get out there and sing...sing in front of people, perform, share songs, SING! so i know i want to do it, need to do it, am dying for the joy that it brings, but i dont know how to do it. that's my main problem with most of my gifts/career paths...accountants can open up the paper and look for accountant jobs, but you cant find singer or artist in the paper. ok, maybe you can, but it's just not such a clear path. which is good, i think i would be bored with a clear path, but i still feel stuck with a massive desire to sing, confusion on how to do it, and some guilt for not getting off my butt and doing it yet.

ok, so i was supposed to post this yesterday, but i got interuptted and then (shocker!) the internet/my computer was being dumb. so i am talking about yesterday, but it's not really that day anymore. here's a quick rundown of today's exciting news...

1. i got my car fixed!!! soooo happy about that one.
2. i only had to work like two hours at the stickering place today. when told i could leave, i was filled with a mixture of intense joy and relief that i was going to be able to keep my sanity after all and slight remorse for the money i would lose. the former quickly won out and i enjoyed my afternoon of sticker-free freedom.
3. i didnt get the job at miller paint. a little disapointing, but i'm glad that i wont be stuck in the o.c. afterall.

since no one has replied to my previous blog addressed to the faithful "the life of liz" readers, i can only assume that there are no faithful "the life of liz" blog readers. oh well. i feel like that girl on the princess diaries who finds out her cable access show only reaches 5 people. but maybe someday i'll be mia thermopolis and have a chance to speak to the whole (fictional) country of genovia...a girl can dream, right?